19 September 2014

Woke up this morning to find a cicada buzzing around under my covers. In bed. With me

If you have never seen a cicada, understand that this is not a good thing. A Cicada is an insect somewhere between a horse fly and a cockroach, roughly the size of  a fat man’s thumb, aggressive and loud, somewhere between 15 – 20 years old. It is an ollllld ass bug. And it was in my bed. So I screamed, got the vaccum cleaner hose, sucked it down. Now it’s buzzing and thumbing around in the vacuum canister as I sit here writing this. Not gonna feel bad. Nope. Eff him. Let him rot for an hour. It’s my birthday, and monster bugs in the bed is a helluva way to wake up.

Mingo candles by Mod Cloth
Yup. My birthday is Sunday. I’ll be 35. Bill Murray will be 64.

Weird fact: Bill Murray and I were born on the same day in the very same hospital. I’m not sure what the makes us, but I’d be cool if he like wanted to show up and dance at my party. Just sayin'.

And while we are on the subject, and I am feeling put-upon and entitled by surving the Cicada Horror of 2014, here are some other things I want for my birthday:
1. Benedict Cumberbatch dressed as Mr. Darcy coming out of a lake in a wet shirt. Why is this not a cake topper? Who is going to make money off of this one?

2. A tour of the world's finest cat cafes. An excellent place for a birthday party!

3. Whose flamingo bike is this and how do I get it? Pinterest is no help, they don't ask these kinds of questions on Dateline, and I for one demand answers. 

4. The David Bowie exhibit is coming to Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art in four days. FOUR DAYS. I'll start working on my eye makeup tomorrow.

So that is what I know about that. Now I'm off to release the hellion cicada from his dusty chamber, followed by a morning of epic thrifting in farmtown and some apple picking -- my favorite birthday tradition. 

Happy weekend!

17 September 2014

Children's Art Turned Into Plush Toys

I hate stuffed animals. Loved them as a kid, hate them as an adult. What age does that happen? I don't know. But I look at them and all I see is a dust and germ jungle, stuffed with some asbestos fluff that fell off a building in China. You see a cute and cuddly, doe-eyed teddy bear; I see a death trap. HUG ME!

No thank you.

Still, I appreciate that kids naturally flock to things they can squish and hold and anthropomorphize to their heart's content. Which is why I like homemade dolls and stuffed animals quite a bit. I know where they came from. And even if I don't know, I know that the item was made with love. I think that sort of attitude has trickle down benefits for all of -- especially the kid. Hay now!

And here, what about this: kid's get to make a plush toy from their own drawings with their own two hands. Beat that, Nintendo :)

Look at her little Ariel. This is way better than anything you can find at the Disney store.

Best of all -- these are super easy to do. You can whip out a couple of these in an hour. Sewing minimal sewing skills required. Go on now, and check it out over at I Love to Create!

15 September 2014

It's fall y'all! The sweaters are on, the air conditioning is off, and I'm five sips deep in a pumpkin latte. This felt like the shortest on record around here (NOT THAT YOU WILL HEAR ME COMPLAINING) so I'm transitioning to cold weather a little slower than usual. Instead of traditional autumnal shades of red and rust and gold, I'm thinking navy and magenta and avocado.

Still keeping gold, though, Everything goes better with gold. And glitter. Obviously.

Normally I keep pumpkins for carving, but you know what? A carved pumpkin has a lifespan of about 15 minutes before a squirel comes and makes a FEMA house out of it. You know how long a painted pumpkin will last? A month. At least. I'm guessing more like two. Guess we're gonna find out.

Pumpkins (real or fake)
Craft paint (I'm partial to Martha Stewart brand - I'll explain why below)
Tacky glue

12 September 2014

Happy Weekend

Under the headline of Critically Important News...

This teenage boy just wants his yearbook photo to include this professional photo of him and his cat, Mr. Bigglesworth, and lasers, and he's getting flack. Unbelievable. Wtf. FREEDOM DOESN'T STOP AT CAT LASERS, AMURICA. 

My favorite new song just hit #1. Why this is awesome and what it says about where we are going.

My to-do list this week included "make a crockpot chocolate zucchini cake for queen latifah." I know. Tough life, right? And just wait. This is what it looked like...

Yeah. You're gonna want the recipe on this one

Happy weekend!

11 September 2014

Beyond the Cheddar Curtain

Wisconsin is like that girl you used to be friends with in high school –you really like her, but it’s probably best you two don’t hang out that often. She reminds you of the old times, the good times, and times you would rather forget....but the nostalgia turns to indulgence, and before you know it you are four episodes into a My So-Called Life marathon, wearing sweatpants, and eating a whole bag of cheese curds with a toothpick.

I’m so fancy.

Since Kiki was celebrating her birthday last week, and I was celebrating the birth of my self-employment, and neither one of us had taken a vacation in ages, we decided it was time for a girl’s trip. A long weekend across the cheddar curtain, to Door County Wisconcin, aka “The Riviera of the Midwest.”

I had never been to Door County, but I heard it was snazzy. I also heard there were equal opportunities for wine tasting, cheese tasting, and ice cream tasting. These people know how to prioritize! If there are any non-Midwesterners reading this and thinking the whole Wisconsin Dairy Farmer Thing is an act. Yeah, no. That’s all real. It’s all dairy, all the time. And it is glorious. We went to this cheese curd house (yes there is such a thing) and the lady was all "You guys are just in time! They just rolled in a fresh barrel! Still warm!" and Kiki and I were all "Don't they need a refrigerator?" and she was all "You aren't from around here now areyanow?"

Are-ya-now is totally my new favorite word.
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