List of Valentines Gifts I have received over the years:
- One gallon drum of lighter fluid
- One pair of purple Japanese fighting fish (OH, THE IRONY)
- One rumpled lunch bag of stolen batteries, size C
- Two second-hand corsages taken from a nursing home cafeteria
- Three pairs of red satin banana hammocks, shaped like roses, thoughtfully purchased from the lotto counter at the all-night 7-11.
*Note: Banana hammock is slang for a certain kind of mens underpants. They are, apparently, easy to mistake for ladies underpants, especially when balled up like roses and thoughtfully purchased from the lotto counter at the all-night 7-11.
With this in mind, you can see why I don’t mind being single come Valentines day. Why, with all the banana hammocks and lighter fluid laying around the house, who needs romance?
*Semi-Related Odd Fact: If you have pesky adhesive residue stuck to, say, a glass knick-knack or car bumper, you can swab it with lighter fluid and set it one fire. The crud will burn clean off. No more pesky residue! Just make sure someone stands by with a fire extinguisher. Safety first. This is a great way for a couple to spend a quiet, romantic evening at home.
Despite my personal history with Valentines Day, I do miss the idea of valentines. Real valentines. You know—beautiful little notes and cards expressing beautiful little thoughts, perfectly packaged in tiny red envelopes.
A few years ago, some single (and not-so-single) friends and I realized that we were never going to be on the receiving end of real valentines, so, we just started making the for ourselves. Cards, that is. We started swapping handmade valentines.
Then last year I expended the circle. I invited all of you to join in the valentine swap and send me your addresses. In the end, 73 people participated! That’s 73 people who sent and received three Valentines to/from total strangers. That’s 219 lovely, handmade valentines bouncing all over the globe. Huzzah!
I put myself in the mix too. Look at this tricked out Alice in Wonderland style valentine I got from Lacey in Vancouver, BC. (Citizens of Canada: your girl done good!)
As if the cover (top image) wasn’t amazing enough, it contained a series of 3 smaller and smaller valentines. The final note is so teensy, I could barely make out the words. It was pinned up in my studio until I moved, and now it’s pinned up at work. It puts a smile on my face every time I see it. And way, way better than any bannana hammock, that’s for Hell Sure.
Now that I have presented you with Lacey’s act of wonder, I’m hoping y’all will put your doily trimmed thinking cap on and consider sending out some Valentines of your own. Maybe you already know someone who deserves a special card. Even better if you don’t because I’m going to orchestrate another swap! Stay tuned. Just trying to figure out the logistics before I start taking names. Details to follow…
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