Dear People Who Used To Live Here,
Thank you for planting the giant patch of purple zebra striped iris bulbs out back by the garage. Wow. I realize you did not plant them with me in mind, but I feel as though they were put here especially for me, seeing as very few people on the planet could, or would, appreciate them as much as I do. Let’s face it: this is destiny. I don’t know where you live now, but if I did, I would secretly dig up your yard in the middle of the night and plant you something pretty just to repay the favor. Except that would be creepy. And possibly illegal.
Maybe I can make them into a hat and send your way instead?
Let me know,