I’m thinking about starting a sporadic series of blog posts titled STUFF THERE SHOULD BE WORDS FOR. I already have a sizable list, but one item comes up a lot; What do you call someone who is well intended in their words or actions but the end result causes injury or offense?
After extensive research I have identified not one but TWO distinctive species: Snitchbiters and Niceholes. If you are not familiar with these terms, allow me break it down for you:
Snitchbitter
A Snitchbitter is someone who likes you, truly likes you, but constantly says and/or does not nice things. If you are a woman, there is a 65.78% chance your mother might be one of them. Overall, snitchbitters are good, well intended people who are unintentionally hurtful. Example: Someone who says “Wow, that sweater looks great. Nobody looks good in hospital green, but you can really pull it off!”
That hospital green comment really happened. It happened in my mouth, actually. It just fell out of my mouth before I could catch it and stuff it back in. Luckily the person on the receiving end knows me well enough to reply “Do you not even hear the words that fall out of your mouth?”
Yes folks, I am a snitchbitter.
I hang out with a lot of snitchbitters too. In fact, if you know me in person and you are reading this, there is a good chance you are a snitchbitter. It’s probably why we get along so well. Sure, I could get all holier-than-thou and say I never gossip or deliver anything less than 100% genuine praise, and 99% of the people reading this would totally believe it, but lets be adults and accept who we are: I am a snitchbitter. And I am working on it.
Nicehole
A Nicehole is someone who behaves nicely, but is really an asshole. Someone who does not particularly care for anyone but would never have the balls to be upfront in their rudeness. They are too hung up on etiquette. If you made a typo at work, or left your shirt untucked, they would be the first person to tell you. Not because they want you to look good in front of others, but because it makes them feel superior to identify your flaws. Nicholes take every opportunity to remind others of their mistakes. Conversely, reminding a nicehole of their own mistake(s) can be a dangerous task and should only be undertaken in emergency situations while wearing protective clothing.
Niceholes rarely say anything mean or malicious, but on the rare occasions they do, it comes accompanied by that beloved expression “I’m just calling it like I see it.” The thing is, people who are calling it like they see it are usually seeing it like an asshole. Or shall we say, nicehole.
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this post cracked me up! 🙂 and i love the terms you came up with!
and truth: my sister is a nicehole. she drives me friggin’ nuts…it’s best to stay away as much as possible!
My Mother is a nicehole, I am a snitchbitter. Since gaining a daughter inlaw 8 years ago I have noticed it coming out more and more towards here (I was a daughter inlaw once myself). Now that she has a daughter I notice it in her behavior more and more. What is wrong with us? Will the cycle ever end?!
This is exactly what I am talking about. I am generally very opposed to criticizing my own gender, especially in a public forum like this, but THIS is a serious problem we have all faced on one end or another. Why is that? How do we stop the cycle? Nobody likes receiving petty criticism so why are we so quick to dish it out?
I guess recognizing the symptoms is the first step in finding a cure, right?
My aunt is a nicehole. She coordinated my wedding and when I suggested we have the (small #) of attendees pass the rings through the aisle up to us, she said, in all seriousness, “now I don’t know any of your friends, but I hope no one would take a ring” right, because I invited all my close klepto friends to the nuptials.
Aunts are often niceholes, they just don’t know it 😉
Bwahhhhaaha! Nicehole is now my favorite word. I am not one, but sometimes I admire them when their niceholery is directed toward someone who deserves it!!!
Yep, exactly! 🙂
I am a nicehole, did not even want to admit that to myself. My husband calls me out on it all of the time. Oh well!
Love these terms 🙂
Also, I promise I’m not a nicehole, but your “STUFF THEIR SHOULD BE WORDS FOR” at the beginning should be “THERE” instead.
Gah! Good catch. Thanks. I swear, if somone gave me a quiz on homonyms i would ace it, but slip one in my own writing and I’ll never find it in a million years. Thanks again 😉
Ohhh I know a snitchbitter! She’s the wife of one of my best and oldest friends. Almost everything she says has a double, offensive meaning hidden behind what would otherwise be a nice comment, or what she tries to pass off as a nice comment. It always leads to an awkward pause. The behavior is rooted in her tendency to be jealous of EVERYONE, and everyone in our circle knows this, so we all let it slide off our backs. This is why snitchBITTER is such a perfect word for her because of her innate bitterness that never seems to go away. We’ve had discussions about how no one liked her when they first met her. She’s the type that has to grow on people.
I have two mother in laws (I know lucky me!) one is a snitchbitter and one is a nicehole.
Oh I love this!! Have one to add to your list. The EX-habiter- someone who used to smoke or drink or boot black tar heroine (you get the idea) and if you still do any of those things constantly makes comments like ” Yeah, I could never run up 167 flights of stairs without stopping when I smoked 8 packs of cigarettes a day, but now? I can go on even longer! One day, when you are ready, you will quit too” Yikes!! 🙂
Yeah I had one of these. I was at Moe’s (Welcome to Moe’s!!!)and ordered the veggie burrito with tofu. The girl waiting on me said “Are you a vegetarian?” and I was like, “Yes I am” and she smirked at the boy next to her and said, “See there are lots of us”. Chris ordered something with meat and he smirked back at her. So she was all, “What toppings?” and when she was told I wanted cheese and sour cream she was all, “Well one day you will be a vegan”…um yeah. I was actually a vegan a long time ago and HATED it. Stop being so in my face about it. I was nice and didn’t say anything but now I wish I had.
I’m a snitchbitter sometimes… is there an intervention or something… I can also be pretty mean up front and personal too but that’s kind of what I do for a living…one of my favorite movie lines from Steel Magnolias. “If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone, come sit by me.” Love it.
But in all seriousness I love your blog it makes me laugh constantly and you rock lady…
Girl I luv that saying, its actually one of my pinterest boards 😉
Niceholes in the south start or end their scathing criticisms with “Bless her heart”. And that makes it ok.
Bless her heart is just code for “what a f-ing idiot”. And nobody from the North or Midwest has caught on yet.
Yes we have.
That is something I say a lot, actually…I say “God bless ’em” but same thing… Hehehehehehe.
I like both these terms. I tend to the snitchbitter end. My mother and sister were/are niceholes. The one did a lot of ‘why did I care about that so much?’ ‘Why did it even matter?’ on her deathbed so I can be happy for her ultimate realizations… and sad at the same time.
My think on it is that women are taught to be the arbiters of social connections of all kinds and the vicious emotional wounds that are inflicted on anyone female if you ‘step out of line’ tends to force us into these roles.
Until I was a certain age I didn’t recognize the deadly verbal/emotional battles swirling around me over the coffee cups. It was all status and ‘place’ and ‘class’. And heaven help you if you stepped ‘above your raising’.
As a tomboy at the time, I was deaf and blind to it and a shame to my mom because I was always stepping on the landmine at the table. To be honest, I find that kind of toxicity to be omnipresent at some functions and I hate every one. You will never see me at a church picnic again, say, unless it’s a non-Christian one.
My two cents. Hey, there’s a book idea here I think! I should write it.
I am not a nicehole.(I don’t think so.) But I hope I am not totally a snitchbitter. Although I do think that your hospital green comment was not bad. You were commenting on someone’s sense of style and unusual coloring! I am more familiar with the person that knows what they are saying is mean, but act like what they are saying is so nice and normal. Give that a name, okay? My mother-in-law was like that.
Vryka, how about every person writing a different chapter in that book? My upbringing was couched in getting ahead and showing up the cousins. Sure, I showed them up until I got divorced. But then eventually a lot of Them got divorced. This family interaction is one reason that I insisted on a one state buffer between me and my mother-in-law. I also never told my mother Anything, because I didn’t want it repeated throughout the family. Ann
I kind of liked the misspelling?, “snitchbiTer” in your first paragraph, but see that you actually mean “snitchbiTTer”. BITER/BITTER… hey, it’s only a T, but they kind of go hand-in-hand… “a bitter biter”…
Seriously, though, we call them “left-handed compliments”… give it with the right and quickly take it away with the left… have received by the boatload and try to learn…
What we really need a category for are the “Just sayin'” types… very trendy… so effin’ annoying… never well intended..
Ah, the crimes of women on women. Textbook.
Have a better day, Peaches… you wrote this in a fury, yes? Just sayin’. 🙂 xo
My friend Lisa got snitchbitted in the most awesome way last week. She was standing in line to pay at a gas station at 7 a.m., and a woman told her ‘You know… you’re the only person I’ve ever met who could pull of that hairstyle.’
We debated for an hour whether or not that was a total slam or the best compliment ever given. Still totally undecided.
My 8 year old son is a nicehole.
I’m working on fostering a little more empathy, so he doesn’t grow up to be that guy from Office Space.
Oh, come on he was awesome. LOL. “I’m also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too.”
Jess: Best compliment ever. Think of Snooki’s pouffy do. That might look really great on someone else, like Charlize Theron, or some model. Ann
What would the word be for people that insult you and then say ,”in a good way”?
True examples!
Samantha: “I’m so nervous for high school. All my friends are going to a different high school; who will I sit with at lunch?”
Kerry: “Sit with people who are fashion forward. Usually people who are weird dress like hobos. Of course there are exceptions, I mean like Olivia is super nice and funny…oops.” (Olivia is two feet away)
Callie: “My puppy’s first birthday is today!”
Morgan: (very dramatically) “Awwwww.”
Morgan: (turns around and says to Jen very loudly) Aren’t I such a good actor?
Peaches its our cavegirl instinct to tear each other apart… we after all are competing to be the alpha cave girl and the one that gets to procreate with the alpha cave male and tell all the other cavegirls to go pick berries. This has been a long standing theory of mine that we are only a couple of generations from our cave ancestors.
I am most definitely a Snitchbitter!
My brother in law has a saying ‘Women are Snitchbitters and men are niceholes, if we can all agree on this we will all get along just fine’… they have been together 30+ years. I admitted my snitchbitterness to my exs but they refused to admit their niceholiness and they didn’t last, 3xs! TG new BF totally embraces his and my nature.
LUV LUV LUV your blog!
My MIL is a snitchbitter and I am a nicehole, no wonder we never get along. LOL.