Dear Nice Lady Sitting In Front of Me on the 5:35pm Metra Commuter Train,
Hi. I’m the one sitting in the row behind you pretending to be listening to my earbuds but I’m not because I’m a creepy and listening to you. Haaay!
I see you are here with your daughter. Gosh, you guys look great. You are both dressed tastefully and I can tell from your ticket stub that you live in a nice area of town. She’s probably, what, 13? Based on your conversation it appears that you just took her to work today, and now that you are on your way home, you are regaling your day and explaining to her why it’s important to be respectful and considerate toward others in the workplace. Rawwwk, so cool. Nice Lady, you are a power mom. Go you!
Right now you are telling her how hard it was for you to get your job, and how thankful you are to spend your days with such nice people. And even for a squirmy 13-year-old, she is paying attention to you. She is listening to every word. Not once has she reached for a mobile device. Impressive. A couple minutes ago I wanted to toss confetti when she said “Thank you, Sir.” to the train conductor when he came around to punch tickets, even though you didn’t even bother to look up at him. She knew what to do. That girl of yours, she is On The Ball. I can tell. You are clearly doing this parenting thing right. Kudos, Nice Lady, Kudos.
Thing is, a second ago, when you were talking about your job and all, and what you had to do to get it, I heard you say something to your daughter. You said, “You have to learn to think like a man or no one will take you seriously.”
Whoa. Nice Lady, WTF was that about?
I’m probably not the best person to explain this to you from my current state of forlorness and anger towards you, so here, let’s borrow some wisdom from Tumblr:
And here is another one. And, actually, this one is an ad, which you will get a kick out of because I saw from your outgoing email address on your phone (yeah I’m nosy like that) you work at an ad agency.
Golly. Those maxi pad people know what they are doing, right?
So, that is what I want to say about that. You, Nice Lady, seem like a really cool person, and a very qualified parent, and that kid is super lucky to have you as a Mom. I might even be a little bit jealous. Please understand that it isn’t my intention to sit in judgment of your parenting, it’s just my disappointment because you are raising a girl, and that is a huge deal, and I didn’t work this hard to hold my own as a Not-Always-Nice Lady just to see you mess it up for the next generation. So get it together. Think like a woman, and quit telling girls to think like a man.
The Creepy Girl In Earbuds Sitting Behind You