Tips and Tricks

Here is something I like: Shaving my legs.

It’s not that I enjoy it, but it keeps people from thinking I’m a centaur.

You know that special spot in life where you file things under “Makes Me Obscenely Happy For No Good Reason” – ?

Yeah. Like goats with mustaches. Or the smell of rain. Or the sound you get from popping bubble wrap.

Yeah. This is one of those things, only it combines my love of good cosmetic brushes and hot pink.

So, clearly, you know it’s gonna be rad.

Last time I was getting my hairs cut I saw the salon make-up artist station had these giant shallow vases filled with little pebbles, and in sticking straight out of them, dozens of tubes of lipstick, mascara, brushes, tweezers…and such. The pebbles kept everything upright and in easy reach. And the stones made it looked very zen.

You know how zen I am.

So then I made a mental note to pick up some polished pebbles next time I was in easy reach, thinking it would be soon, but then soon came and went. No pebbles. Then I was at Petsmart buying food for Lolabelle and what do you know…

$2.19 y’all!

I took them home and washed them, paired them with a two dollar vase from Goodwill, and BAM, I got myself a precious bucket of hot pink zen.

Yeah.

Okay, when I say all-purpose, I mean all purpose. Hands, body, feet, counter-tops, laminate flooring, aluminum mailboxes….one time I ran out of toothpaste and used it instead. Probably not my smartest idea, and I wouldn’t advise it, but you know what? It got the job done. I probably could have made due with baking soda but that wouldn’t have been an interesting story.

Speaking of uninteresting stories; I did a lot of scrubbing this weekend. A lot. First it was the pot smeared with scorched polyester tar, then it was the grimy bits of crud along the kitchen baseboards, then it was the labels on a bunch of ceramic stuff from the thrift store. You get the idea. It’s a great way to ruin a manicure and pickle my fingers in the process. Fortunately,  I started making my own all-purpose scrub a few months ago and it’s great stuff. Aggressive on dirt — soft on hands. Is that an ad slogan? I think that’s an ad slogan. Can you tell I watch too much TV? I watch too much TV.

Okay, you get the idea.

This recipes is a hybrid between my foot scrub and this one I found on Pinterest. The key here is to use a ‘soft soap’ (just a moisturizing dish soap) with some sort of oil in it. This one has cocoa butter built in and smells a bit like Malibu rum. So that’s fun. There is something magical about oil-based detergents. Don’t ask me what, but it cuts through stuff like no other soap. And yeah, it works on your hands too. Adding extra tea tree oil is optional but I use it with cleaning as often as possible — it cuts grease, prevents soap-scum (or any sort of mold/fungal-based build up), works as a pest-deterrent, and yeah, it smells amazing.

Tangent on Tea Tree Oil….

Are you a mosquito magnet? Meeeee toooooo! I used to have to spritz myself with bug repellant every morning in the summer until I started adding a few drops of tea tree oil to my shampoo. I don’t smell it in my hair but the bugs do and they leave me alone. I haven’t been bitten once this summer. This is also great for little kids who are prone to head lice. And hey, know what’s more fun than childhood head lice? Adult head lice. If you travel a lot or use public transportation, this is a legit concern. And don’t even get me started on the bed bug epidemic…

Tea tree is inexpensive (I’m still working on a $5 bottle I bought 3 years ago) and you don’t have to go to a pretentious health food store to buy it. You can usually find it in the pharmacy or grocery store in the first aid section (it’s a natural disinfectant and anti-inflammatory too). It’s also great for acne, thrush, athlete’s foot…and a bunch of other stuff.

I am going to stop talking now because I think you will assume the tea tree oil people are paying me to say this stuff. They’re not. It’s just good stuff and I feel like talking about it.

Okay…back to the mix! After it’s combined, I like to mix it in a covered sugar bowl and keep it by the sink at all times. It gets used a couple times a week, if not more. You can pick up a sugar bowl at a thrift store for a buck at any time, and for a scoop, just cut the handle off a plastic spoon. Or you fingers. Whatever. It’s your sugar bowl. Live it up!

So, last night,  I’m cooking in the kitchen and I’m watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey in the living room. 

This scenario would all be fine, except I was doing these two things at the same time and the two rooms are 15’ away from each other. 

Welp.

You know what happens…one minute I’m watching this guy call his sister “scum” for trying to destroy his marriage, next minute Scum Sister’s husband gets wind, storms in, and demands an apology (RAWRRR!!!), and next a fight breaks out between the two. Of course, to add drama, the editors at Bravo did that thing where they make screen go black but keep the sound going. Very compelling. All you can do is envision this uber suspenseful Rocky Balboa-like fight, when in reality, it’s just two short men in Ed Hardy shirts bucking around on the carpet of a rented conference room. Obviously, I could not turn away. At least not until the fire alarm went off.

Blah blah blah I run to kitchen….blah blah blah burning….blah blah blah no potholders…blah blah blah I used my scarf…blah blah blah BAD IDEA.

Well, the wadded up scarf was fine for keeping my hands un-burned. However, portions of the scarf touched the bottom of the hot pot and instantly melted, thus ruining my scarf and the bottom of the pot.

I can get over the scarf, but the pot…I really like this pot.

It’s huge and heavy. My parents bought it in the early 80’s. I have purchased a couple of different stock pots over the years, and none cook half as well as this one. This one is a keeper.

So the question is; Can it be saved?

If you had asked me a week ago, I would have assumed that scarf was 100% cotton, but the way it melted to the pot I think it must be part polyester. So how does one remove melted polyester from  stainless steel? Scrubbing with baking soda/steel wool/ajax/dish crystals has not worked. Soaking overnight in a tub of sudsy water has not worked. WHAT WILL WORK?

I’m beginning to lose hope.

Does anyone out there have experience on this front? If anyone would know, it would be you guys.

Input wanted on this one.

I want my pot back. 

From the never ending list of things from the thrift store that I have a hard time resisting…

Latest addition: acrylic box frames. Because, I mean, whoa, those are some ugly frames. These suckers haven’t been in fashion since the 80’s and every Goodwill on the planet will have at least couple of them at all times, right? I know you saw them. Don’t deny it.

The big ones can be a few bucks, but the standard photo frame sizes are usually around 99cents. I bought eight. For good measure. Naturally.

Now let’s play a game: Can you spot the 80’s acrylic box frame?

You found it! On the wall it’s an acrylic frame. On the desk it’s a lucite tray. Apparently lucite is the fancy pants brand term for acrylic. Like how we ask for a Kleenex when all we want is a tissue. Did anyone ever deny themselves a good sneeze because the tissue wasn’t name brand? Didn’t think so.

Sources: 1 | 2 | 3

Lucite trays are one of those all-purpose weapons interior decorators use to harness mixed items and make them look a little neater without adding visual weight. I like them because they keep my junk in line.

I do not, however, like the price tag. (This one runs around $40).

Let’s make are own, shall we?

Okay, this is complicated. Get ready…

Just take the innards out and flip it upside down. Boom. It’s a tray. They scratch pretty easy so I will probably put some of those clear silicone foot thingies on eventually, but for now, this is great. And so what if it does scratch? Big whoop, it was 99cents and Goodwill has a bunch more waiting to happen.

This is a really simple trick — I feel bad making a whole blog post out of this.

And this is a weird fact about me — I have never thrown out a pair of nylons.

Not once. Not since I purchased my first pair with my own money, which was in 1993. Twenty years, y’all! It was a Junior High dance and I wore opalescent white nylons that made my legs white and shimmery like a unicorn. Obviously, it was awesome. My dress was rusty red velvet with a scalloped neckline (just like Chelsea Clinton wore on television (!!!)), my hair was big, my skin was bad, and my song was A Whole New World, the theme from Aladdin as sung by the spirited duo of Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle.

Oh, Peabo.

Unfortunately my pretty nylons got snagged on Heather Smirl’s braces when she went down break dancing to Rhythm is a Dancer and I had to move on to other things. My shimmering unicorn nylons joined my mother’s old flesh colored cast-offs in the rag bag and were used to store root vegetables in the pantry (‘sup panty hose), polish furniture, and tie back overgrowth along the side of the house. An unjustifiably unglamorous finish for such a delicate creature.

Nowadays I find more befitting ways to use my old snagged up pantyhose. Everyone knows the DIY Spanx trick right? You just cut control top pantyhose off at the knee? But then what do you do with the leftovers? You do lots of things – like headbands. Two legs of nylons can yield up to 20 headbands. 

The How
Take sharp scissors and cut straight across. Then 2” down, cut again. Try it on— too tight? Cut off a half inch and see how that feels. Too loose? Try cutting another band that’s 3” wide and see if that works. Generally, the more thin and delicate the fabric, the wider you will need to cut, whereas thick and colorful tights (like I used here) will require cuts much closer together. Experiment! 

If you end up with leftovers, no problem, just wrap them around a couple of times and use them as pony-tail holders.

BAM. You’re welcome.

PS: On a related note with another weird thing to do with nylons, Chardonnay, Pantyhose, and Other Advice from my Mother.

People are always giving me crap about hoarding random things but then, when I convert those “things” into useful stuff and they’re all WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?

So, listen, I’m telling y’all now: save your produce bags. The plastic mesh ones that are used to bind up lemons and oranges and onions.

Clip the edges, pinch it into a bunch, and bind it with a zip tie. No zip ties around the house? Use one of those little wire twist ties from the produce section and peel off the paper. Presto!

These babies are THE BEST thing for scrubbing pots — more aggressive than any sponge but less abrasive than brushes or steel wool. I like to keep one specifically for the floor too — they are great at scraping off any stuck-on bits. Nifty huh?