Want to see an impressive eye roll? Start talking to me about astrology.
Look, I know Yoko Ono won’t get her hair cut unless the stars are aligned in her favor, and that is a valid opinion, but I do not share it. Not even for Yoko. Not long ago I heard someone on the news, who was actually a credible reporter, explaining that the Bashar al-Asad, Asyrian president and overall genocidal tyrant, was doing the things he does because he was born in September, and as a Virgo, he has “extreme control issues.” Honestly. WTF? He was born in September because his parents had sex in January. That’s how human gestation works. It’ not a Virgo thing, it’s an asshole thing.
And hey! Guess what? I’m also a Virgo. Surprise.
Anyhow. Despite the fact that I do not believe in astrology, I wholeheartedly believe in the concept of Mercury retrograde. A lot of people understand, conceptually, Mercurian retrograde is a time of upheaval. Bad luck. Chaos. Astrologers explain it as the universe’s way of reminding you that you are not in control, and to surrender to the forces of sacred things that never wear deodorant. Scientists explain Mercury retrograde as a blip in the cycle. Most people have heard of it but few understand what it is, so let me explain it in a nutshell; both the Earth and Mercury orbit the sun, but at different rates. Mercury walks a little faster. Eventually that slight extra speed creates a noticeable distance, so a few times a year, Mercury sees the Earth has fallen behind and takes a quick break in rhytym wait for his pal the Earth to catch up. In that brief period of time, there is a sort of catch-up thing that happens and everything in the universe notices that the pair were briefly out of lock step, and it’s awkward. Really awkward. And while I do not believe in astrology, I do believe in physics. I believe in energy. And believe in the immeasurable domino effect that is created when something as BIG AS AN EFFING PLANET decides to quit marching along with everyone else.
It’s like, have you ever been driving along and someone in front of you suddenly slams on the breaks, so you slam on yours, and even if you don’t hit the person, it scares the crap out of you and you can’t think or do much of anything for a couple minutes? You know that lingering feeling of fear and chaos? That. That is Mercury retrograde.
I hate it. And guess what? Mercury has been in retrograde alllllll week.
So if you have been having a crappy week, good news, it’s be over on Saturday the 25th! And let me tell you, I cannot wait. This week has been a goat rodeo. I have surrendered all control. And while I will not bore you by complaining about everything that has gone wrong this week, I will say that yesterday, just as I had settled in to what needed to be my most productive work day in months….THE POWER WENT OUT.
The power company estimated a 2 hour blip, then 2 hours came and left, then it was 4, then it was 6. All is fine now, and I’m thankful for this luxury that we call electricity, but yesterday, when I was freaking out, I needed something to do. This went way past the point of stress cleaning, and since I didn’t have any ice cream in the house, and it was too early for decent liquor, I went with the next best thing: rhinestones.
I organized my beads, sequins, crystals, confetti, and anything else that came in a tiny cup. It started as total chaos, but I took control, and not because I am a Virgo, and whipped this mess into a thing of beauty.
Tangent: Why can’t bead/sequin/notions manufacturer up their game with packaging? Could they not take a hint from the shredded cheese people and sell things in clear resalable bags? Would that be so hard? Would it? Think cheese!
So. Lucky for me, Menards sells these bin organizer tackle box situations. I have seen similar tackle box things in stores before, but usually the drawers are really small. This model offers a mix of big and small drawers, so I have room for growth. Which is important when you have hoarding issues.
Before this, I was keeping everything in a Tupperware full of ziplock baggies. And most of the beads are still in that set-up in a drawer, just a lot more organized. There is something so cathartic about sorting through sparkly things. I don’t know how to explain it, but it might be better than therapy.
And now it’s all done. I have my power back, and I can see all my sparkly stuff at once. This makes me want to make gem sweaters for every day of the week. Not this week though. If you need me, I’ll be holed up at home waiting for Mercury to get his butt of retrograde!