Tips and Tricks

Last week I watched a woman in a store buy a $26 “oven liner” and it damn near gave me a bellyache watching her do it, knowing there was no need to waste good money like that. I assumed everyone’s mother taught them to line their oven with aluminum foil, but upon a formal survey (read: I Gchatted three people) it appears this tip is in need of revival.

For me, one piece of foil will last for ages until inevitably a hunk of cheese falls off a frozen pizza or a tray of lasagna. You would think the sides would eventually get dirty, but I have not found that to be true. In fact, I just gave my oven the finger smear test and I’m telling you, it’s clean. Totally clean. Stick it in your ear clean. And that is saying something.

After cooking in that thing for 3-5 times a week for two and a half years, you’d figure it was due for a scrub. But no. Unless you are cooking hot bubbly sludge of some sort, the foil on the floor trick should cover it. Go figure? Foil!

Honestly, I don’t know how people are functioning with out this. One time I forgot to replace the foil and something spilled and it was a molten, smokey, charred up mess. Then I tried to clean it while the oven was still warm, burned my forearm and ruined my sponge. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Get some foil. You’re welcome.

I love shopping Easter Monday. Not only does the chocolate get marked down half price, the baskets go on mega clearance. Mega. Easter baskets take up a ton of storage space and most retailers won’t waste that kind of square footage on something so cheap and specifically seasonal. Their loss, my gain. (And your gain if you don’t leave near me. Sorry, Chicago Peeps: I call dibbs).

Two years ago I stocked up on Easter baskets and they sorta took over my pantry. And my closet. And under my kitchen cabinets. And my project room. And under my desk at work. And…yeah. Honestly I didn’t think they’d hold up that well. They were cheap and colorful, I was happy for a temporary fix, but y’all, they really do get the job done. Surprisingly study. This pic of my pantry was taken this morning, no styling, no nothing. You can even see my busted open 6 pack of Reester Eggs. That means some made it past Easter. Whoa! Aren’t you proud of me?
  

Last night I decided to spend the evening with buttered peas and Radical Face. A splendid time was had by all. Somewhere in between Entertainment Tonight and my laptop freezing, I decided to light a candle, as I do nearly every night. I don’t light candles out of some romanticized ritual, I light candles as a way to whittle my concentration. It’s my jam. It’s just a tiny flame in a glass jar, but my eyes pick up on its presence and my brain interprets it as signal to get to work. It’s like, CRAP THERE IS A FIRE IN THE ROOM. Quit looking up Muppet movie propaganda on Pinterest and get down to work! So that’s my serenity tip for you, dear reader, lighting  a candle = getting stuff done.
Of course, my Olympian level procrastination skills could not prevent the onslaught of a much contemplated craft project; I could not just light a candle, I had to dress up the matches first.

Like this:

Do matches in a shot glass with a sandpaper bottom even count as a craft project? Probably not. But they look better than the matches you keep in the medicine cabinet, so in the name of “up-cycling” Imma call this a craft.  

Before we get to this I want to say something about matches: Matches are harrrrrrrrd to find these days. I know you think they are everywhere, but seriously, around here, they are not. I have been looking all over town for decent wooden matches for months, MONTHS, and the only place that sells them is the Enya playing florist gift shop for $7 a box. Everywhere else under the sun carried lighters-a-plenty, but matches, good quality matches appear to be going out of style or something.

I thought I had seen them in the grocery store next to the napkins, and hardware store next to the camping gear, but to my surprise, I couldn’t find them. And don’t act like I wasn’t looking because I asked in several stores – management informed me they carry lighters, or that matches come out come BBQ season, and until then I could get a free book up at the front counter. Not wooden matches but practical matches, which are not what I wanted but I appreciated the gesture.

Up until a few years ago you’d still see lead crystal bowls of wooden matches on the hostess stand at some restaurants and bars, but that practice appears to have the wayside as well. Maybe you find that in other places, though. Smoking inside bars or restaurants in Illinois is illegal so it makes sense they cut out the cost of supplying books of matches just to end up in someone’s medicine cabinet. That’d be like me going to the beauty salon and expecting salad dressing. Okay not really, that was a bad comparison, but you get the point. Matches are hard to find!

Lucky for me, I reached out to you guys on Facebook and got the scoop – Dollar Tree. This surprised me as I am in Dollar Tree at least once a month, but never once noticed they carried these 8 packs of 32 count matchbooks (in the kitchen section beneath the sugar tongs).

My plan was to just keep a box of matches on the coffee table next to the candle, but these aren’t exactly what you’d call ‘looker’ matches, so they needed dressing up. Last night was the night. This was even better than a box as I could pile them put them all in a shot glass and leave them out on the coffee table near the candle.

We had a neighbor growing up who used to keep a bunch of tall matches in a shot glass by the fireplace. The glass had a picture of California etches on the side that she’d strike the match against the etching and it would light. I thought that was a California thing but apparently some matches will strike a light when rubbed on most anything with texture. These matches are not like that. They need strike paper or extra fine sandpaper, so that’s what I glued to the bottom of my shot glass. The rough sandpaper didn’t work, so it’s a good thing I tried it first. Dang, way for me to be smart like that. 

If anyone else knows of a no-fail source for wooden matches, please let me know. These will run out in time and I’d like to find some less teensy ones. Cigar shops are next on my list, or maybe this’ll be a good excuse to enter the world of BBQ accessories. I’ll keep you posted. It doesn’t get much more exciting than matchbook retailers!    

I have decided that the hallmark of adulthood is a decent set of matching hangers. Normally I am opposed to anything “matching” but hangers seem a logical place to start. Plus the nice lady on the Home Shopping Network had a gentle voice and tap-tappy fingernails that make me think a super-slim set of clothes hangers will make me feel better about my clothes and thereby will make me feel better in my clothes. Now I type that out and realize I may have been hornswaggled.

Dangett!

Well. Just the same. I have some extra non-matching hangers about the house. Pinterest tells me there’s all kinds of coolness to be had.

1. Drill in some eye hooks and bam it’s an earring organizer.
2. Your sunglasses deserve better than your junk drawer.
3. DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN HANG SWEATERS?
4. Add sequins and it’s a nifty anti-frame art display.
5. Add shower curtain rings and it’s a scarf rack.
6. Saw and drill up a nifty coat rack.

I can’t write anymore. That sweater hanging trick done went and blew my mind. 

Goodnight.

I got a facial in Williamsburg for Christmas (soooo good – thanks, John) and the esthetician gave me the weirdest tip for combating dry skin. I sorta didn’t believe her but I’ve been doing it for a month now, and even though it’s been the bitterest winter in recent memory, this trick totally works.

What is it?

Yup. Hair conditioner. The cheap kind.

I had heard of using conditioner to shave your legs, to shine floors, and even using it as a fabric softener…but keeping skin moist? No. Which, if you think about it, is weird because hair and skin (the topmost layers of skin, at least) are essentially made of the same sort of proteins. The dead kind. And, assuming you are a mammal, your skin is covered with hair anyway. It deserves to be kept moist too.

Lets stop using the word moist in this post.

Here is the deal: In the shower, after you use soap or water to wash your body, squeeze a big blob of cheap hair conditioner on a loofah-poof thing and run it over your body. Do your usual naked monkey dance, then wait a minute and rinse. That’s it. I have been using the strawberry scented buck-a-bottle from the bottom shelf. It leaves the slightest residue that works to seal off skin against winter dryness. In the summer it would probably feel a bit heavy – but in winter, yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Also, it smells good. Also, it has pretty much replaced my need for any kind of after-shower body moisturizer. And, actually, she said you could use straight conditioner as a body moisturizer on really rough patches like feet and elbows, but I have yet to need/try. Come summer time I’ll give it a whirl and let you know how it goes!

That’s my beauty trick of the day. If you know any other fun ways to use hair conditioner, please share. We are listening.