I know, I said would post these on Mondays. I’m late this week. I’m also not even going to present my own idea. It’s OK though, because this one is better. And timely, too–it’s New Years and you will be dragging a bottle of champagne some place or another…even if it’s your own kitchen counter, you/your host will be so impressed with a confetti bomb bottle! And it’s super easy too!
Side Note 1: Those names are 100% real. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.Side Note 2: Pumpkin kept a very traditional home. Even back in the 50’s and 60’s when turquoise cars were commonplace, Pumpkin leaned toward the Ralph Lauren look…Green velvet. Mahogany wood. Tartan plaid. Dark antiquey things someone brought over on a boat from a place that smells like fish. You get the picture.
Surely Izora intended her to receive a green wreath, or perhaps a red one. Maybe even a white one, but pink? Heavens no. There must have been a mix up down at store, and Pumpkin even went so far as to pick an argument with florist until he exchanged the pink wreath for a traditional circlet of green holly. It hung in their window for several weeks, until Christmas Eve, when Aunt Izora called to confirm she was coming over the following day and could not wait to see “that pink wreath!”
Oh crap.
Pumpkin immediately sent her eldest daughters on a wild goose chase around town in search of another pink flocked wreath with a velvet Santa in the middle (no easy task on Christmas Eve). Eventually one was located and Aunt Izora arrived the followed day, delighted to see her gift prominently displayed in the front window for all the world to see, never knowing her well intended gift had ever caused such distress and upheaval, telling everyone,“The minute I saw it, I knew Patty would love that adorable pink Santa!”
Side note 3: Patty, now known as Aunt Pat (or as she signs her emails “Yer Olde Ain’t Pat”) is my mother’s younger sister and the baby of the family. Although she probably doesn’t like to be referred to as the baby. She is married to Uncle John, who, when I was eight, taught me how to play poker and bust a grown man’s knee cap with a fork. Not at the same time, though.
Creepy.
Like, Black Velvet Clown Painting In The Bathroom type of creepy.
See, I don’t question why someone painted the clown on black velvet; I question the person who wants to look at it while they go to the bathroom. Not that my questioning should stop them. It’s their bathroom. It’s their home. Their life. Their bowel movement. Who am I to judge?
…but, when someone gives me the creepy clown painting and gets offended when I don’t hang it above my toilet, well, we have a problem.
And therein lies the rub: you can’t give people things you like and expect them to like them too.
Fact: This week, US retailers will exchange/return/reshelf more items than during the rest of the year combined. This wouldn’t happen if we kept our black velvet and pink flocking to ourselves. This wouldn’t happen if we learned to quell our inner Aunt Izora.
Sometimes, especially around Christmas, I wonder if I am just like Aunt Izora. Why, if I had a nickel for every time someone tossed one of my home spangled Christmas sweaters, well, I would have a whole dime.
This Christmas I decided to embrace my inner Aunt Izora and gave myself the gift of a pink flocked tree. I have wanted one for years but always felt guilty wanting to something like that for myself. Now I realize that, if I don’t get it for myself, that desire will manifest in other ways and will push my taste, my style, my wants out via someone else’s gift, which, will inevitably be returned. And that’s not good for anybody. So, I propose a toast…
Here is to Aunt Izora and her pink flocked wreath.
Here is to me and my pink flocked tree.
And here is to all those folks standing in line right now, returning $46.3 Billion dollars in merchandise.
Just be thankful it wasn’t a clown on black velvet.
Happy new year!
*** PS: If you want people to quit returning your gifts, I suggest you look into a pink flocked tree for yourself. And don’t wait til next year either — Treetopia.com is having a major holiday sale right now. You can embrace your inner Aunt Izora for up to 70% off!
Warm and glittery holiday wishes to you this holiday weekend. This year I have so much to celebrate and appreciate, including you.
If I never said thank you for coming by to poke around, well this is the time of year for it. This blog started as a whim in 2010, and over the last year, has since grown into my surest and brightest dose of daily sunshine. And that is entirely because of you.
Thank you.
BTDubs, I sent you a gift and stuff. If it’s delayed, don’t look at me — Lola was driving the sleigh that night. She isn’t as efficient as that Rudolph guy.
Happy Channukah! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Hanukah!
Or as my old boss used to say, Happy Jelly Doughnut Week.
He was the epitome of cultural sensitivity, that one.
I’m still unpacking my menorahs (Yes menorahs, I have several. And yes, I am still not done unpacking)…but I caught a glimpse of Lola peeping up in the window. She was looking for a dreidel, no doubt. Cat’s love playing dreidel you know…
In writing this post, it occurred to me that, over the years, I have spent a lot of time painting rooms. To be precise; 35 rooms in 12 years. Four of them in the last three months. I’m planning on painting another six rooms in the next four months.
Whoa. That is a lot of paint!
I’m not hosting a Christmas feast at my house this year, but if I was, you would find one of these babies at every place setting. Not only are they an easy way to snazz up a table, they are a good way to use up all those ornaments with missing top thingies. That’s a technical term, folks.
Do you see me in the reflections?
It’s just like one of those Where’s Waldo puzzles except I’m wearing periwinkle instead of a striped shirt.
And it’s totally obvious.
Tip: use an old jar to hold the ornament while the glue dries.
Another Tip: Fill with greens, feathers, berries, dried flowers…whatever you want, but be wary of using fresh flowers or anything that will require you to clean the inside of the ornament afterwards. The rim will snap right off. I speak from experience on this one. So does the bandage on my finger. Owch!
You need one next to your soap dish. I know you do.
Do you know the hallmark of a talented gift wrapper? It’s when the recipient spends more time examining the wrapping than the gift inside. They feel special just looking the present on their lap. And what could be more Christmasy than that?
A present like this is sure to look good under your tree. And if you have old holiday photos and access to a copy machine, them wham, you are in business. Use oversize paper if you have access, but letter size paper will cover most handheld items like books, music, etc.
I saw a similar idea in an early 1980’s Better Homes and Gardens Magazine using pictures of a birthday boy or girl –cute idea, but I like it with a holiday twist. You could also use old Christmas cards, or Christmas Music. Look closely at the photo above and you might see and image from Donny and Marie’s Christmas poking through. Don’t hold it against me. I’m a sucker for those Osmonds. 
Plans this weekend?
I’ll bet you do.
Don’t know about you, but somewhere between the baking and the eggnog, I plan to sneak out to gawk at other people’s Christmas lights. It’s one of my favorite holiday traditions. I’m nosy like that.
Anyone else out there plan on taking pictures? Here are 1, 2, 3 excellent posts on ways to capture beautiful twinkle lights and holiday memories. Even though I like to think I know a thing or two about taking holiday pictures, photographing the trees this year has been a pain in the butt challenge. I appreciate all the help I can get!
Happy weekend 🙂
One of the best parts about my job is working right smack in the middle of downtown Chicago—a city I adore and praise to no end. If you have not been here all I can tell you is come. We have so much to offer! 
I need to make some holiday cards so I went trolling through my old stacks…aren’t these cute?
I made them a few years ago. They look like vintage holiday stamps, but really, it’s just a piece of wrapping paper I cut up into squares. Can’t find the wrapping paper anymore though. Poo.
Next year I hope to start stamp collecting (nerd alert!) so I can scan them to create my own paper.
Ah, next year…
