Woke up this morning to find a cicada buzzing around under my covers. In bed. With me.
If you have never seen a cicada, understand that this is not a good thing. A Cicada is an insect somewhere between a horse fly and a cockroach, roughly the size of a fat man’s thumb, aggressive and loud, somewhere between 15 – 20 years old. It is an ollllld ass bug. And it was in my bed. So I screamed, got the vaccum cleaner hose, sucked it down. Now it’s buzzing and thumbing around in the vacuum canister as I sit here writing this. Not gonna feel bad. Nope. Eff him. Let him rot for an hour. It’s my birthday, and monster bugs in the bed is a helluva way to wake up.
|Mingo candles by Mod Cloth.|
Yup. My birthday is Sunday. I’ll be 35. Bill Murray will be 64.
Weird fact: Bill Murray and I were born on the same day in the very same hospital. I’m not sure what the makes us, but I’d be cool if he like wanted to show up and dance at my party. Just sayin’.
And while we are on the subject, and I am feeling put-upon and entitled by surving the Cicada Horror of 2014, here are some other things I want for my birthday:
1. Benedict Cumberbatch dressed as Mr. Darcy coming out of a lake in a wet shirt. Why is this not a cake topper? Who is going to make money off of this one?
2. A tour of the world’s finest cat cafes. An excellent place for a birthday party!
3. Whose flamingo bike is this and how do I get it? Pinterest is no help, they don’t ask these kinds of questions on Dateline, and I for one demand answers.
4. The David Bowie exhibit is coming to Chicago’s Museum of Contemporary Art in four days. FOUR DAYS. I’ll start working on my eye makeup tomorrow.
So that is what I know about that. Now I’m off to release the hellion cicada from his dusty chamber, followed by a morning of epic thrifting in farmtown and some apple picking — my favorite birthday tradition.
It looks like Doctor Nik owns the flamingo bike and he rode it in the pink parade.
It looks like you’ll need to go to Sarasota!
Thank God! Mystery solved!!!!
Happy Birthday Peaches! May the year ahead be full of glittery wonderfulness! Perhaps the cicada is a sign of longevity?
I had once been visiting my mom for two weeks many years ago. I woke up in the middle of the night at realized someone was in bed with me! I jumped out of bed and stood looking at long lump. Then a man chuckled and said “It’s only me.” I stood there breathing hard and looking at the lump. I was very tired, but decided he sounded harmless enough, so I climbed back into bed. It was only then I realized I was back home with my husband and my four kids. Happy Birthday Aunt Peaches! Tana
Now that you’ve captured it, why not dress it up in tiny spandex and take it to the Bowie exhibition? Cicadas are also fans of glam. Little known fact.
Great job aging!!
Say, hey, happy day. Here, see if you can blow this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLPZTcSgjS0.
I’ll flip you for Cumberbatch. And Bowie. Oh and it’s a fact that cicadas in your bed on your birthday are good luck.
PS. That last part might be bulls…
Happy Birthday and many pink flamingos to you.
1. Happy Birthday!
2. Congratulations on surviving your up close and personal cicada encounter. I would have either had a heart attack and died immediately or at least have seriously injured myself when I tried to climb up a wall to get away from it. I have a…thing…about bugs.
Happy Birthday Peaches! Cicadas are amaaaazing bugs! So are you! Amazing….I mean…not the bug part!
Hook, Line and Sink Her
Happy Birthday to you (and Bill Murray)!! xxx
Deb in Oklahoma
Happy, happy birthday! I’m inclined to think the cicada encounter was a sign. Of what, I don’t know, but those things are kinda sparkly, and you are the Queen of All Things Sparkly.
And first the pick-em-yourself blueberries, and now APPLES? You are SO lucky to get to do that for your birthday. Have a great one!
pretty good list!! my birthday is also coming up – definitely in the mood to get #1 and #3 on the list – where are those flamingo bikes from!!?
OMG, that is my absolute worst nightmare! I love hearing them hum in the trees (and as you know, New Orleans is practically vibrating with them), but I can’t handle them in person. Childhood trauma from brothers. Eek!
On a brighter note, happy, happy birthday on Sunday! It’s going to be a great year for you. I can feel it! Eat cake, make more than one wish, and do all that fun stuff you do. xo
happy birthday peaches!
may it be a beautiful year.
Happy Birthday Peaches! Coming to your blog to see what you have posted is always a highlight.
Happy Birthday Peaches! I’m sorry you had a Bug Incident of 2014, but things can only go up from there, right? (I’m a little jealous that you get to go to the David Bowie exhibit)
I think I would lose my friggin mind finding that huge bug in my bed. Dang girl! But you will remember this birthday forever lol. I hope it is a very happy one for you. Eat cake and here’s to all the birthday wishes coming true!
I almost couldn’t finish reading your column as my stomach was clenching and heaving and I thought I was going to pass out at the same time. I may have you, if not beat, at least equal, though. A few nights ago I was woken up with the feeling of something on my cheek…YIKES!! I also jumped out of bed (which I never can do any other time as I have a bad hip and never move fast no matter what)…I turned on the light and there was one of those horror bugs that are half cricket and half spider with the long legs and a big ole humpsortof back and did I say big? and I HATE those things and it was in my bed and on my face!!! I didn’t have time to go for the vacuum (and why does “vacuum” have two “U”s and who can remember that every time?) so I grabbed a kleenex box and hit it till it gave up. Eewwww…just remembering that is making me go weak in the knees. So. I sympathize and am glad you lived through your Bed Story from Heck
Happy birthday! I hope Bill Murray does show up. That would be so awesome!!!! 🙂
Happy Birthday! We had a “cicada killer wasp” circling our front door and trapping us inside for a week. Google that thing…it makes a cicada look loke a lady bug.
Many Happy Returns! Your birthday list seems pretty modest to me, I think you should think a bit bigger – if you don’t ask, you don’t get, right?
Happy birthday peaches!!! sep 19 is my birthday too!! i didnt knwe it was bill murray’s too!! heheh i guess many awesome people are born this day!!!
Susie in Sacramento
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! may this year be your best yet (it totally will be) and may the insects/arachnids of the world leave you the hell alone! I’ll glitter something today in your honor 🙂