In my book, if there is a pet peeve to end all pet peeves, it is this: unsolicited advice. Hello. Did I ask you what I need to do about my hair color? No. Stop talking.
It’s not that people mean to be rude or annoying, it’s just their way of communicating. For some women, it’s the only way they know how to relate to each other. It’s their first tier mode of small-talk. Telling people what to do. And it’s not a bossy thing; it’s an asshole thing. And it’s a problem. This is slightly hypocritical since I run a blog largely based on offering information you didn’t ask for, but I trust that yal know how to close a browser tab if you don’t like what I’m dishing out. You don’t get to close the browser tab on Aunt Merna when she corners you at the Thanksgiving table and tells you that you’d catch a husband if you ate less potatoes.
Gobble-gobble, Aunt Merna!
Anyway. Now that I have that off my chest, let me tell you who can give me unsolicited advice any day of the week: Lena Dunham.
I was hesitant to jump on the Lena Dunham bandwagon because I’m too old to be a hipster or use a Diva cup, but you know what? The girl knows what she is talking about. She wrote this book
Here she talks about writing – why it’s important to share your perspective on trivial things as well as the heavy stuff.
Not gonna lie. It irritates me when people in their twenties have this much common sense. It makes everyone else look bad. What am I even talking about here? I don’t know. But it’s a good book. I’m not giving you unsolicited advice by suggesting you buy it, but if you were in the market for reading pleasure, and had sometime between Golden Girl’s reruns, it might be worth your time. Or not. Whatever. It’s a book. I like it. That’s me sharing what I like. You can share what you like. And we can ignore each other and still be friends.
Yay books! More videos over here.
Thanks for the advice 🙂 I’m oddly drawn to Lena Dunham and was thinking about picking up the book. We should have a book club!
–Yasmin
Dude. Let’s do it. I’ll make dip! When should we meet? I’ll text you!
She irritates me and I can’t put my finger on why. Don’t really like to dislike people for no legitimate reason…. Would reading this help?
Maybe. I know what you mean — I was slow to warm to her, but then I realized whatever was irritating me was more about me than her. I think it’s that she thinks/writes/speaks like someone 2 or 3 times her age. It’s like when four year olds use big words like “verdigris.” Kid, you’re four, just say GREEN. Yeah.
Its like you’re reading my darn mind about unsolited advice. I had this whole breakthrough this week on how even my hard-earned life experiences are really just totally irrelevant in helping someone else, so even the stuff you feel REALLY PASSIONATE about helping someone else out with is just not appropriate if its not solicted. It’s a hard line to walk, and I totally get why its such a struggle for some people when you feel so strongly about something that has been so important to you, but they don’t realize how little it may apply to someone else’s life. I just went back to work from a maternity leave (and I took less time than I could have, and returned back to work full time joyfully), and people keep telling me one after another that I should have taken more time and I should work part time, that “part time is really ideal”. Really? Realllllllyyyy??? Are you going to pay my bills and pop antidepressants in my mouth when I’m going crazy at home with kids I need a break from? You’re right, it is an asshole problem, but no one intends to be. It always comes from such a well-meaning place, which is maybe the hardest part of it, because it makes it tougher to refute politely when people have NO IDEA how offensive the projections of their values is.
No kidding. I think new moms might get the worst of the advice train. Dang. I have seen that in action — it’s ain’t pretty. Someone, it might have been Wayne Dyer (?) said something very wise that went like ‘Listen to often people use the word “should” — it tells you a lot about what they think of those around them.’ ….it’s eerily true. It also keeps me in check from offering unsolicited advice when really all I want to do is share a common/similar/contrasting perspective for the sake of interesting conversation. It’s weird how a word as simple as “should” changes the whole dynamic of our intentions.
More import — congrats on your new baby! And congrats on being hardcore enough to handle job town and mommy town– kudos to you girl. Kudos!!
I agree completely about the pet peeve of unsolicited advice! And for some reason, it tends to be foisted upon me with this little gem of an opening line: “I hate to tell you this, but….” If you hated to tell me something that bad, wouldn’t it be better to take the high road and refrain from doing so? Yep, that is one of the siren songs of an a-hole.
But do you have a picture of you (or anybody’s) Aunt Merna? I would be curious to see what she looks like just to give the anti-potato advice a face.
Hahahahaha. Deb, you are keenly aware of Aunt Merna. I’ll bet you can imagine her fat fingers already. Ha!!!
I love unsolicited advice.See, before, I didn’t know I was too fat, I didn’t know my hair was the wrong shape and color for my face, I didn’t know I was too tall, I didn’t know if I would only lose an inch, an inch!! from my waist all my clothes would fit better, I didn’t know I had bought a lovely jacket, but didn’t they have it in my size? And on and on. And what would I be like as a person if I didn’t know all these things?
Hi, I now this is out of comment …and I hope you remember this…but I am looking for that super cool sweater of CatStorm you posted on pinterrest and I really really really want to buy it and I was wondering where can I buy it ….please I looked everywhere and I can’t find it.so please give me a little hint…. Sorry for my english though…I’m french …
Hmmmm. Can you send me a link to the pin? I pin a lot of cat sweaters!
http://9gag.com/gag/amLdxX4?ref=android.s
It’s the most beautiful sweater in the world .