At the risk of sounding like a total scrooge, I am going to declare something controversial: I’m giving up on pumpkin carving.
*Wave of festive horror goes here.*
I know. Don’t be ticked. It’s not that I don’t appreciate a beautifully carved pumpkin, it’s just that I would rather leave it to the professionals. Sort of like electrical installation or septic tank cleaning. Sure I could handle it, but it wouldn’t turn out well. And I might do some harm in the process. I mean, why risk it?
Plus, pumpkin carving smells bad and I always end up bleeding. Why do I keep on going back to the well, year after year?
If eating cereal smelled bad and made you bleed, you would give up cereal, no?
If listening to Freebird smelled bad and made you bleed, I’m thinking you would give it up, along with Lynyrd Skynyrd in general. Am I right?
Of course right.
I’m sticking a carrot in the nose and calling it a day. Leave the fancy crap to the professionals and I’ll stick to my sequins.
Sequins never hurt anybody.