I’m pretty sure Donald Trump and I are the only people lusting after doorknockers in the thousand+ dollar range. And it’s no wonder, really.
Donald Trump owns a string of second-tier casinos, a real estate empire, does a reality show, and spends his free time banging some Russian glamazon model-turned-wife that looks and sounds remarkably like Natasha from Bullwinkle. I, on the other hand, split my days between Pinterest, the subway, finding new ways to cook questionably-aged broccoli, and foraging for pictures of other people’s cats on Instagram. We are practically twins. It’s reasonable to conclude why we both have a taste for expensive doorknockers.
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| Priced at $1,150, he also makes this in a less expensive shorthair. |
I know what you are saying….Ewww that’s a mouse! That’s so mean!
Y’all – look at it – the mouse is still alive. So what if he died soon after this depiction, as seen, he is wiggling and alive. To disapprove of art featuring a mouse that would soon-be-dead is to disapprove of Washington’s profile on a quarter. The dead guy doesn’t keep you from spending money now does it? No. So don’t be holding grudges against the mouse for providing dinner for the cat. This is sound logic. This is the circle of life (*cue Elton John singing in an Amish tuxedo).
Likewise, on the cyclical logic front, it would be wise to invest in a cat doorknocker because then everybody knocking on your door would know that you are a cat person/cat family, and that is important. Very important. It tells people what matters in your life and how they should move forward with your relationship. It’s like putting a Jesus fish on the bumper of your car, or better – putting a message on your license plate. I always say that if someone has a vanity plate they are legally obligated to tell me that information when we first meet. It’s not that I am going to be openly judgmental against ILVTOFU or SO4TUN8 or RUB1OUT, but it tells me who they are deep down. I don’t have to peel back the layers of some cerebral fried funion because the vanity plate/Jesus fish/cat knocker does half the work for me. It’s a time saver and it’s breaking down barriers every day. It’s progressive. It’s decorative. It’s important.
Now all Imma need is $1,150.
I love it. But the real point of this comment is to say that while I realize now that ILVTOFU means I Love Tofu, when I first saw it, I read it as I Love To F U. Which I think is funnier. Because I’m 12.
I thought the same thing. Great minds think alike!
Just GREAT!!! Now I need $1,150 too!!!!
You’re welcome 🙂
I’m sure you can make a better and even more beautiful one from coffee filter paper mache.
If I could get paper mache to last the winter outdoors and make a knocking sound, ‘twould be done already. It would also be shaped like a possum and have a hat. I like the original best 😉
I just discovered your blog today. So thrilled. M’lady you are a crack up! I need a good laugh every now and then. Thank you for serving this purpose and having a great blog as well!
Thanks Jesska 🙂
where, o where, have you seen “rub1out” as a license plate? that is license plate gold!
Texas. Vanity plates are an art in Texas.
DITTO to Jennifer’s comment. It’s funny when I find humor in things that embarrass my 15-yr-old.
On another note, I’m in love with your blog.
Double ditto on Jennifer’s comment.
As I stated before – your blog is my daily crack fix, so if you set up a Paypal account just for this awesome knocker, I will gladly give you all that is in my pockets, lint and all.
Gotta say, not in love w/ the short haired version. I believe you are justified in pining for the long haired version. Now if only he’d make one of a ninja w/ crochet hooks, then my “guests” may also have a head start as to what to expect from our relationship.
I am the creator of your current fixation, the cat door knocker. Thank you for getting what I’m doing. You’re right on with what I was thinking. I wish I could send you one for free, but they just cost too much in time and $$ to make. But I’m very glad you like them! They’re actually portraits of my very specific cats, who are honored by your kind words. Best, Derek Bernstein
HA! I like them very much 🙂 I am so glad to know they are in creation, even if it will be a long while before I find one on my door. I can only imagine the time and materials that goes into the creation. I am happy to admire from afar!
-AP
If I wasn’t living in a rented house I would go straight out and find me a cheaper version of this (or start saving!) and cement it on my front door!
I think you need to get some FIMO Clay and DIY your own version:)