Tulip fields. In Holland. It’s all springy and rainbow. Meanwhile, we are here freezing here and those Dutch bastards are living in skittles.
I hate that.
Interesting fact; did you know more flowers were cut this week than in the rest of the year combined?* It’s true. Valentines prep. They all get chopped down and shipped out to flower shops.
* Look here, I want to hyperlink that fact about flower slaughter but I can’t find it on the interwebs right now, however, I have it on good authority from an Asian florist lady who had three teeth and a bad attitude, so I trust her. She’s good.**
** You know what though, you don’t see a lot of angry Asian people. I mean, so when you do, you know they know their sh*t. They aren’t being angry for the fun of it. They are making a point. Okay, I probably shouldn’t have said that about Asian people. Does that make me sound racist? Or, maybe I am racist? Or, maybe I just avoid emotionally erratic people in general so when you put that in proportion to the general Midwestern population, I just don’t know/see/experience a lot of angry Asian people. Does a question mark go here? I could be totally wrong. Feel free to school me on this as I am open minded. I mean, I’m open minded to admitting I’m subliminally racist.***
***And it’s a bad thing.****
****It’s like, I really want to buy Beck’s new album but I don’t want to because he’s skunk drunk on Scientology and I don’t want my money to filter through a cult. That’s just common sense. But that also means I’m choosing to not do business with people based on their religion, which would be super McBiggoty racist if I suddenly cut off anyone who was say, Muslim. Or Jewish. Or Mormon. Or Methodist. Or whatever. Crap. I am an asshole. I am an asshole and it is your fault, toothless and angry flower lady!
I’ll stop typing now because this was supposed to be a really short “Happy weekend!” post and now I’m making you think I’m crazy and racist in a religious way. But. Before I go I will remind you that if you are participating in the Valentine swap, you should check out what people are posting on Facebook. Stuff being sent…stuff being received…stuff that is FUNFETTI CUPCAKE CARDS from Olivia.
I’m only assuming from her photo here, but I think you shake them like snow globes.
I know right? Damn, Olivia. Way to be awesome like that. Go see the other awesomeness. You don’t have to like my page or anything, it’s public. The posts are free. We’re nice like that.
Happy weekend.
What I got out of this: I want to go to Holland right now, I feel bad for buying flowers today, and now I can’t like Beck’s music as much. Maybe. I’m disappointed in him. And perhaps myself.
Yeah it’s all of the above. Fuck. It’s February. Lets go to Holland.
Not wanting to support Scientology is not like hating other religions. Islam, Judaism, shit even Mormonism are valid religions. Silly beliefs, but people truly believe then. Scientology’s purpose is tax evasion and other shady money practices. Nobody believes in Xenu.
Urrr…don’t tell John Travolta. I think him and Xenu are besties.
Let’s dream of warmer weather and you too can see the tulip fields, the parade, the clogs and more in Holland, MI this spring. I can only image how you would “trick out” a pair of wooden clogs.
Oh yes, I have been to Holland MI’s tulip fest several times. Even sampled a few fat balls. Pure Michigan!
I live in London, England and have only recently found your blog, which I love. I am catching up on all your previous blogs, and are spending far too much time doing so! Hope you are having a good weekend Aunt Peaches.
I am, Scarlett, and I hope you are having a great weekend as well! Thanks for coming by – Hugs to London. 🙂
😀 😀 😀 You are so funny! I laughed out loud when I read this cuz you are one of the least bigoted people I sorta know! I used to work with a lovely Asian lady who only sounded angry on the phone when she was talking to stupid white people. She wasn’t angry though she just sounded that way when they were especially stupid. The whole “If you say it louder they will understand” theory. We loved her & we loved to listen to her talk to stupid people. We also loved to hear her say Chicago which sounded like Cheek-a-go & Pittsburg which sounded just like Big Bird. Oh damn I miss her!
I fucking love you. Bottom line.
I just found your blog and I really can’t stop reading! And it’s so funny that you are mentioning Holland! I live in Holland and when I look outside right now it’s raining it’s 46.4 F and I see no tulips and have no wooden clogs. Hmmm where in Holland do I have to go to to have sunshine and tulips. I must be doing something wrong…..
“Any religion that isn’t at least 2,000 years old is a cult.” – Angels in America. It must be true.
It was -40 last week and -8 now. I’m F-in done. Holland sounds great.