|The Dirty Girl Scout|
“Thing is, no one really knows what smurf tastes like.”
– Overhead on the street yesterday morning.
And you know something? They are right. Nobody knows the true taste of a smurf.
This prompted many questions in my mind…Who would eat a smurf? Who would serve a smurf? Where can I buy one? Can you cut it with a fork? Does it taste like chicken? You know, they always say new and exotic meats “taste just like chicken” but then one time I ate raccoon in ketchup and it certainly did not taste like chicken. It tasted like straight up raccoon.
I no longer like ketchup.
I digress…back to the smurf….so I posted the quote on facebook, and lo, thirty minutes later, Kelly informs me that “smurf” is a flavor of ice cream.
Ice cream!? No kidding. This prompts many more questions in my mind….Which came first, the flavor or the name? Whose job is it to name ice creams? Where does one apply for this job? I love ice cream and naming things more than, oh, um, ANYTHING. Where do I sign up?
So, in the off chance someone reading this blog works in the ice cream business and is in a position to hire, I am offering up a little Whitman sampler of my boundless potential as a professional ice cream namer. Here are some of my favorite ice cream combonations with nifty new names.
The *New* 31 Flavors o-o-o-o-o
1. Release the Kracken – Mexican chocolate fudge ripple with pretzels and roasted peanuts.
2. Jive Turkey – cinnamon French vanilla with apple pie filling, peppered with brown sugar pecans.
3. The Elvis – banana with peanut butter and bacon bits.
4. Dirty Girl Scout – dark chocolate with essence of mint and olive oil.
5. Dancing Zorbas – frozen Greek yogurt with blueberries and mint.
6. Lady Di – rose petal mouse with strawberry swirls.
7. Pippi Longstocking – fig with lemon zest, drizzled with warm caramel.
8. Kentucky Woman – sweet cream with a hint of bourbon and sprinkled with cornflakes. PS: I’m pretty sure someone needs to open an ice cream shop where all the flavors are named after Neil Diamond songs. I’m sort of shocked this hasn’t happened already. Pish Pish. Let’s get on it, people.
9. Bobaloo! – frozen banana custard with sweetened black beans.
10. Good Morning America – sweet cream topped with sliced bananas and cheerios. BTW: have you ever had cherrios on ice cream? It’s amazing. I’ll eat cheerios on anything. Cheerios on steak sounds pretty good to me.
11. Memoirs of a Geisha – cheesecake with a hint of wasabi.
12. Peppermint Wizard – pink peppermint swirled with sweet cream and rainbow sprinkles.
13. The Color of money – concrete mint yoghurt with dark chocolate shavings.
OK, so I only made it to 13. Fail
Y’all chime in the comments and see if we can come up with 31 flavors!