Aunt Peaches

Main navigation

Garden

Grow a Pair

by 1 Comment

I went to the farmer’s market next to my office looking to pick up a couple of stargazer lilies for my desk. I came back with big hairy balls.

Yes. This is happening.

They are some sort of seed pod. Another flower shopper said she bought them three weeks ago and they dried standing up in the vase on her desk. “My boss hates them. He says the last thing he needs is another reason to remember the size of my balls.”

I bought the whole bucket.

The conversation reminded me of a sign I made for my friend Jeanine a few years ago. At the time, I was really into vintage inspired graphic design. Jeanine was really into telling people to “Shut up and get some balls.”

It was also right about that time when this SNL skit with Sarah Palin (Tina Fey) was popular. You might remember it as the “And I can see Russia from my house!” skit. There is a part at the end when Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler) encourages the media to examine the credentials of female candidates. “In closing…I encourage you to grow a pair. And if you can’t I will lend you mine.”

For the record, Hillary has loaned me hers on several occasions.

If you are need of some, just let me know. I have plenty to spare!

Real Flowers Hate Me

by 14 Comments

When people ask me why I make so many paper flowers, I tell them the truth.
“Because real flowers hate me.”
No, really. Whatever I plant refuses to grow. Believe me, I have tried. 
The people who used to live here planted some gorgeous flowers, including some a bush of luscious pink peonies.  I felt very proud thinking this would be the first time in my life I could harvest a whole bouquet of home grown flowers. Which I did. And they were great. FOR TWENTY MINUTES. 
They started like this…
…but the wilting set in within an hour and advanced overnight. I put them in the fridge for a while thinking they needed a pick me up, but no such luck. They lost the will to live.
I told you: real flowers hate me. 

Nature’s Bounty

by 9 Comments

Okay, so, bounty might not be the most appropriate word here. But let’s be honest; is there anything more rewarding than biting into the first homegrown tomato of the summer?

I guess writing that letter paid off.
 

The Planter Purse

by 15 Comments

Raise your hand if you have a kooky neighbor who uses boots and suitcases as planters.

Raise your hand if you are the kooky neighbor who uses boots and suitcases as planters.

Ah Ha! Thought so.

So, I didn’t have any boots around this summer, but this cheapy old teal green faux patent leather purse had seen better days. The zipper was gone and the lining was grimy…time to try something new!

So I punched some holes, filled it with dirt, called it a day. Some leftover Styrofoam peanuts at the bottom should help with drainage, assuming I don’t kill the poor thing first.

In Defense of Dandelions

by 10 Comments

Around here, the end of May marks the end of dandelion season. I suppose most people think of them as loathsome *weeds, but between you and me, I think there is something to be said for dandelions.

They are splendid.

What other cheerful yellow flower can flourish in the crack in the sidewalk? Or spread their seed to every continent on the planet? Not to mention centuries of use as food and medicine….

We don’t give dandelions enough credit.

And the best part? Their name! The term dandelion  comes from the French dents de lion or teeth of the lion, referring to the jagged leaves (take a look, they really do look like lion’s teeth.) Also, dandelion leaves are widely known for their medicinal use is as a diuretic, hence their other French name, pis-en-lit, which roughly translates to wet the bed.

Leave it to the French to make bed wetting sound jaunty and chic.

*While most people I know think of them as weeds, apparently, there are parts of Canada where dandelions are looked upon far more kindly than here in the US. Click here to read more info. Good stuff!

Fun with Adhesive: Aluminum Duct Tape Garden Markers

by 62 Comments

I do not have a green thumb.

All summer, I spend ridiculous amounts of time and money on plants for the little garden plot behind my apartment, only to see them whither away in the sun, or be ravaged by colossal city rabbits.

Not bunnies—city rabbits—big as cats with meaty legs the size of ham hocks. All winter they feast on hot garbage and mate with possums, spawning ferocious hybrid marsupial-rodents in the spring. Then the spawn go and consume my little garden as though it were Old Time Country Buffet with a sign on the door that read GIANT MARSUPIAL-RODENT SPAWN EAT FREE.

I hate those little bastards.

Despite my failures, my inner farmer will not be tamed. The battle continues every spring with a new crop of tomatoes, herbs, and the fantasy of a September BBQ of feasting on home grown summer bounty. Not to be outdone, my plants must be marked in style, with cute little markers. Now, do I really *need* to mark the plants? No. 
Does it make me feel accomplished, even when the leaves have been eaten to stubs? Totally.

Traditional Copper garden markers range widely. The fancy shop down the street sells beautiful hand pressed picks for $2.50 each, but I have seen alternatives in seed catalogs selling at 50 for $12.00. Not bad, but you can easily make several hundred on your own, for about $5.00 using plastic knives and aluminum duct tape.

Materials

Aluminum Tape can be found in the hardware store. It is traditionally used to seal the seams between ductwork and ventilation units. It is super sticky and waterproof. Runs around $5.00  for an 50 yard roll. You can also buy copper tape at the hardware store, closer to the electrical section, but it comes a little more expensive and I have not found the adhesive to be as sticky as I like it. You try and see for yourself.

Important: This needs to be aluminum duct tape, not just silver duct tape — these are two different things. The aluminum duct tape is made from thin strips of metal sheeting and has removable paper backing. Several people have emailed me to say their markers failed because they used the wrong kind of tape. Again, let me emphasize: aluminum duct tape.     

Plastic Knives from the bottom of your junk drawer. I know you have some. These pictures would sure be cuter if I had used black or white or clear plastic knives, but you know what, I kept it real and used the electric pink knives from my junk drawer. Know why? Because I’m authentic, I’m thrifty, and my inner farmer would have thrown a hissy fit if I had gone out and spent money on a stupid thing like a plant marker.


Start by slicing your tape to size and sandwich the dull end of the knife in between. The tape is *very* sticky, so don’t use your good scissors.

Use your pen to write the plant name backwards. This might take a little practice on scratch paper first.
Now flip it over and admire your work. The letters are a little wonky, but reverse embossing like this is darn impressive!
Now take it out to the garden and stick it in place. Stand back and admire your handy work. If your gardening talents are anything like mine, this will be the last time you feel a sense of accomplishment for the season 🙂
 Lola stands guard under the tree, on the lookout for giant marsupial rodent spawn. 
GET ‘EM LOLA.

 

Like cotton candy. But hairy.

by 19 Comments

Lola’s shedding is helping birds build their nests. I know. She’s so thoughtful 🙂

Lola, my beautiful longhaired child-with-fur-and-attitude, has an undercoat that explodes every Spring.

Yes, explodes I said.

Don’t get me wrong, she sheds all year long but this time of year is especially riddled with fur.

Resourceful type that I am (read: potential hoarding issues), I googled around to see what can be done with it. Lo, apparently, birds love using animal fur for building nests! Since Lola loves stalking watching birds it seems only fair that her fur should help them build some nests.

So we gathered up some hair, some chopped up jute twine, and hung it an onion bag with lots of slits and holes. We refill it regularly as  the birds come and pull it away bit by bit, sort of like cotton candy. But hairy.

If you’re not an ‘animal person’ this will probably gross you out. The rest of y’all can,keep reading!

Tangent for pet people*
If you have a fur baby at home and do not know what that purple thing is up on the left, listen up, because I’m about to rock your world.

That purple thing is called The Furminator. Stupid name for a great product. It’s like a horse brush with ‘roid rage. It will rid any hairy animal of excess fur in a matter of minutes. You see that pile of fluff on the right? That is from 2 minutes of brushing Lola one morning (and she gets brushed a LOT). If I was to take this thing to your golden retriever for 10 minutes I’d come up with enough hair to fill a Volkswagen. And the best thing is that the fur babies love it! It comes in various sizes for different types of hair and animals. As someone who has lived with animals of all sizes and shedding issues, I cannot recommend it enough. Go get one!

* For the record, I have not been asked or paid to promote this product. I just adore the crap out of it and have even been known to give it as a gift. I love it and I hope you will too 🙂

Prehistoric Garden Gnomes

by 5 Comments

Spotted these in the fern room at the Lincoln Park Conservatory the other day. I think they are there to illustrate that these plants date back to the time of the dinosaurs, which is indeed impressive, but dude, seriously, IS THIS A COOL IDEA OR WHAT?!

I’ll tell you something–soon as my postage stamp garden plot pops up next month, I’m planting a couple of dinosaurs.They are like prehistoric garden gnomes.