Moving is going to be awesome.

Slowly packing up the house is drudging up all sorts of crap. Physical and emotional dust bunnies abound, not to mention a skeleton or two. This is typical with moving, especially for someone with  hoarding tendencies like mine.

This morning I was clearing out a junk drawer and found myself debating whether to throw out an unused roll of super-sticky fly tape. Simple enough, right?  Toss it, right? Then I remembered the time there was a roll of fly tape above the trash can in the alley when I dropped in my garbage bag and accidentally flipped up my elbow-length hair, successfully taking down the gluey-tape and several dead flies in one fell swoop.

And it wouldn’t come out.

And then I had to go to work.

And then my co-worker Jeannie had to rub my entire head with ice cubes because she called her mother for advice, who said, ice gets gum out of hair so it should work on fly paper, but you know what? It sure didn’t. So then Jeannie just started cutting out chunks of my hair with a razor blade envelope opener, and then that weirdo bearded guy in shipping came by and said you look like you just came out of a can, so then  I had to go to the beauty salon and get ALL MY HAIR CUT OFF up to my ears, only to take some solace and said to the hairdresser, I’ll gladly donate my hair to Locks of Love, but she snapped her gum said, No Hun, those cancer kids don’t want flies in their hair either.

So now I’m standing over my junk drawer, feeling horrible just thinking about all the sick, bald headed children I denied a new wig because I got sloppy with the fly tape.

Good news: I recently learned that smothering your hair with peanut butter will remove fly tape and any other sticky substance, including hot glue. Who knew, right?
Bad news: Now that I know the peanut butter trick, how can I possibly throw out the fly tape?

This is how my mind works: Keeping the unused roll of fly tape + One Jar of Peanut butter = Doing my part to help kids with cancer. Throwing out the fly paper would be the equivalent of snubbing an ill child and would derail my path to Sainthood. The whole But-Peaches-You’re-Not-Even-Catholic-Thing will be overlooked if only I keep the fly tape. So clearly, I’m keeping the tape. 

Moving is going to be awesome.

Comments

  1. says

    I laughed so hard I snorted. Great story! (I say this sitting in my office which is definitely scheduled for next season’s reality show Hoarding Professors. There isn’t such a show? There should be.)

  2. says

    You are so funny and creative.

    My mind works along a similar line. Stuff triggers memories and visions of creating new and better stuff and the happy faces of those who receive the stuff….. How can you throw that away?

  3. says

    Bleah! I am grossed out and highly amused! Now come on – there must be a craft application for the tape. You must keep the tape! Sainthood be danged – it’s all about the craft supplies!

  4. says

    you are way too funny…and i might have even peed my pants just a little reading that…

    good luck with the packing…at this rate, sounds like you may want to plan on a day or maybe a week longer to do it

  5. says

    Moving’s great, isn’t it? We’ll be out of our place by the end of August, and I’ve still not settled from our last move (FIFTEEN MONTHS AGO!). I’ve not got enough stuff to debate throwing any of it out, I almost wish I had that problem. It would mean I lived somewhere long enough to acquire a junk drawer!

  6. says

    This is why my previous abode never got unpacked. We just shoved the junk into boxes 3 years later and took it (and the story-baggage) with us to our new house. We’ve been here 2 months. It’s not looking so good here, either.

    Good luck with the memories, the sorting, and the flypaper!

  7. says

    LOVE IT!!! Of COURSE you have to keep the fly paper! There are uses for anything that is unopened, or partially used, especially if it is tacky, sticky or gluey! (I’m not helping, am I?)

    Of course, I just had MY funny for the morning. It is 730 now, but I just sent out an email to a group of about 40 people at 7am. Should have sent it last night. Oopsy. Well, I got one reply asking why I am working at 7am? I FORGOT many people have blackberries now and it “dings!” them when they get an email!! I wonder how many OTHERS I bothered this early in the morning….. :)

    Keep on keeping on with your packing and remembering the cool stuff. Keep sharing it with us. We love it!!!

  8. says

    Peaches, my girlie, best BEST wishes on your BIG MOVE!!! Hope it all turns out great and I know we’ll get to hear some super great stories along the way :) Just want to let you know I blogged today about being inspired by your post about using #6 plastic cups to make gorrrgeous jewelry!!! My creation is FAUX blown glass art – but I linked my post to your fab self. Here’s the link to my post just FYI:
    http://sceneofthegrime.blogspot.com/2011/08/faux-blown-glass-from-plastic-cup-with.html
    Love ya bunches!
    Laurie from Scene of the Grime

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