Yay! Today I am guest posting a fun and easy tutorial on paper cup lanterns over at Elizabeth Banks.
Actually, thing is, I’m a day late on this. My post went up yesterday. Today if you go to www.elizabethbanks.com you will see another post, a post I would much rather you read than my thing about paper cups. It’s an essay in response to Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. I think 50% of the women I know have read that book in the last 90 days and I suspect the other half will follow suit. And I am glad of this because, well, this book is worth reading. However, I read Sandberg’s book and wanted to write a response because, frankly, I wasn’t the biggest fan (which is why I was glad to read Elizabeth’s response).
Don’t get me wrong – there are parts of the book that made me want to grab some pom-poms and cheer along (wearing cargo pants and a sensible team shirt, obviously)….but there were other parts that made me think WTF is this woman talking about? Logistically — who is watching her kids right NOW? Does she not know what it’s like to live off an hourly job? Why is she worried about leadership when millions are just struggling to make ends meet?
Bottom line, there are people who work to live and people who live to work. For folks who fall into the former category, this an excellent self-help book.
Look, I give here credit for writing it though. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to criticize the book because it’s perpetuating a cycle of women knocking down the work of other women, which is the last thing we need right now. What do we need? We need to talk about what it takes to move ahead and bridge the gender gap. This book opens the discussion. People are crediting her with ‘bringing feminism back to the mainstream.’
“Back to the… what? Where exactly did they think feminism went? Because it’s been husslin’ my ass along for 30 years straight.”
– Excerpt from my review.
Okay, I’ll save my thoughts for another time. In the meantime, read EB’s response, or pick up the book and read it yourself. This is the sort of thing that makes me want to start a book club – so I can talk and listen with all y’all about stuff that drives me nuts. Lean In is a good book but is missing perspective, which isn’t something I can fault Sandberg for – she is only one person with one history to draw from. As am I. As are you. But I like to hear your perspective on stuff too. All stuff. Because I, or should I say we, are better for it.
AP
I’m not going to read it precisely because of this point. “There are people who live to work and people who work to live.” Frankly, as someone who has spent her working life in the latter category, I have little interest in hearing what that other side says. Now, before I’m crucified on the “don’t bash other women” cross, I do not relate to Sandberg. If we were tossed together in an elevator and forced to make conversation, we’d have little to discuss. Seriously. She’s not going to ask me where I got my socks and I haven’t worn a suit in 25 years. I have no illusions that people in her position are actually interested in the concerns of those of us who work so we can put food on our tables and then, at the end of the month, have to lean on the mac and cheese 4 boxes for $2.00 at the dollar store just to stave off hunger. I identify more with Barbara Ehrenreich’s “Nickled and Dimed” than I do with Sheryl Sandberg. And those of us who work to live don’t have the money for a book. That $30 goes for gas so we can wait on the tables at the restaurant where she takes her corporate friends. Bitter? Who me?
Actually, there’s another category that’s missing here and I have embraced that category with both arms. I work to live, to be sure, but by that I mean that I make the best I possibly can out of my life. I’ll work overtime when it’s necessary. I try to follow my budget even if, every single month, nothing fits in the carefully prepared slots and I have to adjust it yet again. I do without but I’m okay with that. Some months, I can have the Subway sub of the month. Some months, it’s tuna on whole wheat because that’s cheaper than mac and cheese and I got the bread on the shopping trip at the beginning of the month. I am not defined by my work. I am defined by my interests and I have found ways to satisfy those interests without needing $100 bills. I work for life, for excitement, to have Internet and tea and yogurt and strawberries on the deck on sunny Sunday mornings. Ms. Sandberg can have her life. I don’t want it and don’t aspire in any way, shape or form to it. I think it’s part of a collective fallacy to assume her lifestyle is what women ascribe to. I’m not interested in my hard earned cash lining any portion of her Burberry suit.
Deb, I think you are right – you have a different definition of success than Sandberg, and in that regard, you are both successful. Why do we need books to categorize this issue any further? In a way, this is actually something she writes about – setting your own goals and stuff and ignoring pressure from anyone else, but that’s besides the point.
Oddly, I was actually thinking, if I did ever start a book club, Nickel and Dimed would be the first place to start. What an eye-opening book. I have had a few of the jobs in that book and I learned oodles from it! I went to one of her readings once five years – she is even more amazing in person.
Amen Sister… life is more than a paycheck 😉
I found the NYT article that Elizabeth (we’re on first name basis now) linked to. I have never labelled myself as a feminist because I have always held with the idea that there actually are natural gender roles, BUT I think that living in today’s society (which benefits from those first feminists)a women should be able to choose what is best for herself or her family. Sometimes that means an ambitious, glass-ceiling breaking career, sometimes that means a very traditional homemaking life, and sometimes that means working paycheck to paycheck and getting fulfillment from hobbies.
To me, that’s nothing revolutionary. It’s seems like common sense.
I agree, it is common sense. I read the NYT piece just now — you can tell she is almost making fun of the mom in the intro (how dare she call herself a feminist AND pick out her husbands pants!) but she made some great points. Makes me want to go back and read “The Feminine Mystique” to see how much things have changed.
Speaking of changes…I read an article in Forbes (or Money? Something — some rich white dude magazine in Jiffy Lube lobby) claiming this is likely to be the last generation of women to be able to choose to stay home. Not for want, but for need. They projected, in a couple of decades, the US economy will not likely be able to sustain a population of solo/primary breadwinner households. Duel income households will not just be normal, but the standard. I thought that was crazy when I first read it, but now I don’t know. Look how much the ‘norm’ of family economic dynamics have changed in the last 5 years, much less 25 years? Who is to say what they might look like 25 years from now? It’s weird to think that one day little girls might grow up to work towards any job they want *except* full-time homemaker. Hrm…
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I’m no economist (can’t do math to save my life), but I will be very surprised if there is ever a time where there are no stay-at-home moms. I suppose, though, that some of it depends on how that term is defined. I consider myself a SAHM, but I do earn a part-time income from my blog. That sort of homemaker-with-an-income could easily become a more prevalent life choice, whether it’s from home-based business or contract consulting jobs, whathaveyou.
Aunt Peaches Book Club?
Sign me up!
Okay, if we get it going you will be first on the list 🙂
me too please!
hurrah!
i feel like the ‘women not bashing other women’ is a dangerous precedent. if we can’t criticize and disagree, and if we put someone on a pedestal JUST because they are “feminist”… that’s not a good thing. it’s okay to disagree with someone, even if they are on our fighting side (so to speak).
Valid point. If someone writes/sells a book they should be able to withstand applaud and criticism from both genders (or anyone for that matter). I just made sure to include that line because, in my experience, the vicious cycle of women going after women just to be competitive and/or contrary is always, always at its worst when someone throws at the word “feminism.” For so many women it has a negative connotation, and that is a real shame. Gah! We should look out for each other, right? Always. If that makes me gender biased, so be it. Tina Fey did a god job of talking about this in Bossy Pants. Better than me, anyway.
Also, this is totally off track but I’m going to ramble here because we are friends and I can do that in your comment space :)….you know that thing about Chris Rock and black people jokes? He used to (still does?) have this rule where he will crack jokes about any African American person in the world EXCEPT Oprah and Bill Cosby…Because he says ‘black folks need something sacred to look up to’ (I’m paraphrasing, obv). This is sort of how I feel about anyone when they are talking about gender or religion. I can’t knock it. It’s like, I don’t have to like this person, or even respect them, but I will never criticize them for talking about something that defines who they are as a person. That’s sacred. When I tear them down, I’m tear down myself. Anything else is fair game — sex, politics, race, money, abortion, sexual orientation, sport alliances…whatever, I will hash out or smack down any touchy subject, any time — anywhere, but gender and religion are off the table. It takes a lot of balls for a woman, any woman, to tackle the complexity of Sandberg’s book. It is to her credit.
Omg I’m going to stop now before this get’s awkward and I start talking about black people jokes again.
Bravo Aunt Peaches and Ladies
I haven’t read the book but have heard about it and don’t want to make a comment about it till I do, safe to say probably not a fan, but I bet it has some good points too.
If you haven’t seen it yet you should definitely check out this piece on feminism http://www.pbs.org/makers/home/
And by all means lets keep the discussion going.
Props to you Peaches 😉
Lizz
http://lifeinadifferentdirection.wordpress.com/