I have this one bracelet that looks like a bunch of yellow and red dice (or is it di? What is plural here for abuncha dices? You know what I’m talking about). Anyway, this bracelet, it’s huge. I consider it my lucky charm for three reasons.
- Because it glows in the dark. Not like freak-o-glo, like a magical, luminous glow. Like something that fell off a unicorn. It’s so cool.
- Because I was wearing it when I guy tried to mug me on the subway and my bracelet was so big it prevented the guy from swiping my handbag off my wrist. It was literally so big it prevented theft. Not that the dude didn’t try – there was an ungraceful scuffle, my hair got messed up, I bit him, then he ran off. That makes me sound like the fourth Charlie’s Angel but really, it was just a three-second knee-jerk reaction to someone trying to fuck with my accessories. I suspect Iris, and many of you, would do the same. What was disappointing about the event is that this happened in the middle of rush hour and ten other people were in easy reach, not one of whom could be bothered to help or try to intervene. Know what helped? My bracelet. It, or should I say she, was looking out for me.
- Because everyone always compliments me on it and asks me where I got it – I tell them the Iris Apfel collection on HSN. They are like, Who? I’m like, Iris. How do you not know Iris?
Iris Apfel is a fashion icon in her own right.
I feel like saying she is a “fashion icon” is almost belittling her, because really, she is just an Open-Minded Badass and fashion just happens to be her forte. This woman would be awesome at whatever she put her mind to, and that is what makes her awesome.Oh yeah, did I mention she is 92?
At first I liked the look of her – I like anyone with a sparkle tooth bigger than my own – but then I heard and read and watched her more over the years and now I consider her to be my personal patron saint. Saint Iris. I don’t care if she isn’t dead and neither one of us is Catholic, I’m declaring her a saint. It’s official. All I need to do is erect an alter or something. People can come and visit and lay down beads and textiles and over-sized sunglasses. I’m this close to taking up a collection.