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Archives for April 2011

Stashbusting: Painted Party Favors

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Here is the thing: Usually, I am not big on party favors.

Usually, I said.

As a guest, I never know what to do with them. Do you leave them on the table? What do you do with the packaging? Is it rude to stuff it under your chair? Is it rude to leave it behind if it doesn’t fit in my purse? Is it rude to leave it behind because I don’t want to stuff a wet wine glass in my purse?

These are the things that keep me up at night. Can you tell?

As a host, I just don’t like a lot of crap on the table. Show me sturdy plates, solid cups and a spill-proof table cloth, and I’ll show you a good time. Show me cut crystal and tulle pom-poms, and I’ll show you a table full of uncomfortable guests who are wondering, Where the hell am I supposed to put this napkin ring?


Don’t get me wrong, a little foof can lend a lot of atmosphere, but if something takes up space on my table the table, I want it to be edible or disposable. I don’t want my guests to feel bad because they spill wine, or lose a napkin, or nudge a votive candle in the wrong direction and set the whole table on fire.

I speak from experience on that one. Don’t I, JOANNA?

None the less, sometimes it’s nice to leave a little something for your guests. It makes them feel special and appreciated. It also looks wicked cute on the plate! Just be sure they know it isn’t precious and for all you care, sit on it. Or for that matter, set it on fire. Right, JOANNA?

Enter: Painted Party Favors

This is another project born from the Box O’Fun, courtesy of Heather at Dollar Store Crafts and their April Stash busting project.

PS: Anyone interested in helping me unload my own stash, click here.


This project started with a pack of baby shower boxes from the dollar store. I have passed these at the dollar store and the party favor section a billion times and never picked them up. Until now!


Then I painted them and slapped on a little tissue. Nothing fancy. Just smoosh on some paint.


 After it dries, trim off the inner foldy bits. Technical term, foldy bits, that is.


Then punch some holes, stuff it and fold it up. Donzo!

And look! You can thread a feather through the holes and give them cute little hats.

Don’t your party favors deserve feathers in their cap?

A friend suggested they would also make excellent packaging for jewelry and baubles and such –good thinking. I’ll bet there are a lot of nifty things to be done with these little boxes. Ideas anyone? Chime in! I want to revisit these bad boys sometime soon.

Dear Tulips

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Dear Tulips, You look very sad when you bend over like that. It’s a shame your heads have to fall off.

One time I found a napkin on the subway that read “I wish I were singing right now.”

Sounds silly, perhaps, but since then, when I see people on the subway, I wonder, “Which one of you is singing on the inside?”

I love stuff like that.

Ever since that napkin, I have taken up the habit of leaving little notes of my own. On the subway, in the park, at the grocery store…wherever it seems appropriate. Sometimes I feel bad because, well, it’s littering. But then I think, “When was the last time someone wrote a love letter to microwaveable buttered popcorn?”

And then I don’t feel so bad.

Who wants some stash?

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Snapshot of Heather’s box.
A couple weeks ago, I lucked out and received a box of arts/crafts goodies from Heather at Dollar Store Crafts. Then Lola decapitated one of the items inside and I have been on the hunt for headless crow crafts ever since.

I can only imagine these items came from Heather’s cupboards, waiting for a rainy day when they can come out and play.
I have rainy day cupboards too. In fact, I have a whole rainy day room.
Despite my own extensive goody stash, receiving Heather’s box got me thinking about new projects and ways to approach materials. With that in mind, it’s only right I pay it forward and send out some stash busting boxes of my own…
At the end of this week I’ll send out three boxes chalk full of creative materials. Some are new, some are old, some are vintage, some are funky. Not funky as in smelly, I mean funky as in, What am I supposed to make from plastic alligators?
These are the challenges of our times. 

Want a box? Its easy. Leave comment below, on Twitter, or on Facebook, in regards to this post with the words “send me a box!”

Winners will be chosen at random, Sunday May 1st, 9pm CST.

Update 5/2/11: Winners have been chosen. Thank you for everyone who entered!

Can I really call people winners? You’re not so much winning as helping me. 
You win stuff. I win cupboard space. We are both winners.
So, you are probably wondering what sort of goodies are in store. Good question. Let me take you on a tour…
Everyone has a shoebox with old beads and junky costume jewelry. Its not my fault that mine grew out of its shoebox ten years ago. Don’t look at me. It was hungry!
Seriously y’all, what am I going to do with seven shades of blue ric-rack trim? Help me.

You need mermaid rhinestones. I know you do.

A whole rainbow assortment of bias tape. And this is just the stuff still in packages!

I have three drawers laebled “TOYS. NOT FOR KIDS.” That says about about me.

There is a tupperware container the size of a small child filled with nothing but paper lanterns. Why?
Who buys rainbow sponges in Chinatown thinking “These will look great as gift wrap. I’ll take ten.”
Feathers. Gobs of them. Every size an color. Kitty not included.

Button, button, who got the button? I do!

 Keep in mind, this is just the stuff I am tossing. One day I’ll  get up the courage to take you on a tour of the rainy day room, aka, The Lion’s Den.

Until then, let me know if you are ineterested in getting abox of your own. No obligations or strings attached. I hope the recipients will pay it forward and make something, or maybe use this as an excsue to purge some stuff of their own, but I leave that part up to you.

Sign up by leaving a message below, on facebook, or on twitter with the words “send me a box.” 
 
I’ll chose one “winner” from each source, so you can triple your chances and sign up in all three places if you really want a box that bad.  No restrictions on location, just make sure you let me know you are interested before Sunday, May 1, 9pm CST.

Stashbusting: Pee Wee’s Playhouse Pendant Lamp

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There are few things in life that make me happier than Diet Coke–one of them is world peace, the other one is craft foam.
I can’t get enough of it.
No idea why they didn’t have this stuff when I was a kid, but it’s probably a good thing since I would have spent my childhood locked in a room making King Arthur style craft foam costumes for the cat. 
You think I’m kidding.

Lucky for Lola, I am now a mature adult (questionable) and enough to resist making costumes for my cat (that’s a lie); however, I cannot resist buying the dollar packets of foam “fun shapes” whenever I see them. I have built up quite a collection. Looks like Heather has this same problem because the stash buster box she sent me was full of foam.
!!!JACKPOT!!! 
Craft foam has a million different uses, but I had been thinking about using it to make a lamp for a friend’s munchkin for sometime now….and since I am an official participant (fancy!) in the Dollar Store Craft’s April stash busting challenge, no time like the present, right? Right.
Let’s get started.

Materials
  • 2 plastic strawberry baskets (if your market no longer uses plastic baskets you can also purchase a construction site light cage at most hardware stores)
  • Foam shapes or scraps cut down to random 2” pieces (make it educational for the kids and play “Spot the Rhombus”)
  • Pipe cleaners
  • Plastic straws cut into 1-2” pieces
  • Chord light kit with 20watt light bulb (Totally optional. This bad boy looks good without the light too.)

Process is super simple but highly repetitive. Approach this the same way as you would string a necklace.
String = pipe cleaners.
Beads = foam shapes
Spacers = plastic straws
Try to use your largest shape at the bottom –this will eventually help to conceal the strawberry basket.
Make sure to leave the bottom 1” of the pipe cleaner exposed. 
After loading 40 or so pipe cleaners, twist and attach the bottom inch on to the strawberry cage.
Complete by using a piece of pipe cleaner to hinge together the two cages. Ta Da, that’s it!
Sort of looks like the introduction to Pee Wee’s Playhouse, no?
Suppose it also sort of looks like a Hebrew Dinosaur explosion. With polka dots. And hearts.
Yeah, I think I’ll stick to calling it the Pee Wee’s Playhouse Pendant Lamp. 
It’s easier that way. 
Note: If you’re keen on doing some stash busting of your own, check back on Monday, April 25. I have something you might be interested in…. 

From the Archives: Onion Skin Eggs

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The expiration date on the carton indicates they are from Spring of 2002.

Whoa Nelly, them some old eggs!  

I told you, I have a lot of old eggs laying around. Just wait till I excavate from under the bed. Last time I went under there I surfaced with two of the billy goats gruff.

These eggs are lovely though, aren’t they? I remember making them in the kitchen of my old apartment with my Aunt Nancy. She brought over a giant batch of parsley, onions and panty hose,  and I just about cried my eyes out trying to remove the onion skins to extract the dye (click here for directions). Beautiful as they are, this is one Easter project I will not be duplicating any time soon. I wear way too much mascara to let myself cry that ugly.
 

Welcome Home Matt!

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A little more than three years ago, on a typical Tuesday afternoon, my friend and colleague Matt Kelly stopped in my office for our usual round of candy, gossip and youtubing 90 second scenes from R. Kelly’s critical masterpiece, Trapped in the Closet. 

 Only this time was different. Silent, he sat there in the chair with his eyes glazed over, staring at my bookshelf. After a moment, he shoved a piece of licorice in his mouth and announced, rather abruptly,

“I think I’m going to do something crazy.”
Matt was going to quit his job and travel from Alaska to Argentina.
On his bicycle.
Alone.
For nearly two years.
Whoa.
Fast forward three years later, to today. After riding for 22 months and 17,500 miles, Matt is back. I saw him on Monday and he looks so different. Yes, he is skinnier and tanner, but it’s more than that. It’s like he saw something. Something big.
Our local PBS station interviewed him yesterday, and as much as I love the show, you could tell Phil Ponce (the Interviewer-Slash-Kindly Latino Hotty) wanted to hear him complain about being mugged, or stranded, sleeping in the rain, or running out of food ….you know, something sensational. Something scary. Something made for TV.
But Matt didn’t bite.
He just told one story after another of total strangers taking him into their homes and communities, treating him as one of their own, and showing him the same kindness you or I might show a member of our own family. 
Look, I know am am bias here, and perhaps that isn’t a sensational story, but in my book, that’s pretty effing profound. Most days I turn on the news and see people suffering, starving…crazed dictators killing thousands in their wake…snookies showing their hooch to anyone who will watch. It’s not a pretty picture. It’s enough to make you second guess yourself and humanity in general.
But then there is Matt.
My friend, a guy who traveled to the furthest corners of the Earth, saw every sight and walk of life, only to return to report the simple truth: People are innately good. We are more alike than we are different. No barriers of race, language, or economics need stand in the way of connecting us to one another. The world is a huge place but it’s smaller than you ever imagined.
Whoa.

Click hereto watch Matt’s interview on WTTW.
Click here to read Matt’s blog.
Click here to see Matt’s amazing and extensive photographs from his trip.
Click here to see Matt’s amazing kite flown aerial photography from prior to his trip, that I thought he really should have taken on his trip but he said the kite took up too much room and I thought that was a poor excuse but now I see his bike loaded up like that gear and wonder, Damn, where was he going to fit the kite?

Oh well. Next time.

Welcome home Matt!

Paper Mache Collides with an Animal Cracker Addiction

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The eggs are finally up.

I know, right, it took me long enough, but considering my new found inferiority complex concerning eccentric German men and their holiday traditions, it’s an Easter miracle I put up an egg tree at all this year. And here is the thing: this isn’t even half the collection.

There are more.

I rotate.

Because I’m a hoarder.

An egg hoarder.

Don’t you judge me!

Some of these eggs are ten years old. No idea how they have made it this long because Lord knows I’m about as dainty as a rhinoceros and these eggs should have been smashed ages ago.

Notice the base.

It’s a rabbit.

Technically, it’s a bear dressed as a rabbit.

Actually, technically, it’s an animal cracker container dressed as a bear, dressed as a rabbit.

This is what happens when paper mache collides with an animal cracker addiction.

Guess Who’s Coming to Passover

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Passover is more than a holiday laden with family, food, and wine; it’s a time for all of us to gather around the Seder table and remember those who struggled to survive, those who have past, and those who are still waiting for a Passover of their own.

It’s a celebration. An enduring symbol of freedom and triumph over oppression.

And if there was anyone who loves to talk about freedom and triumphing over oppression, it would be Charlie Sheen.

Okay, okay, okay, I know he may have said some not-so-nice things about the people of Israel. That’s what makes it hilarious. And if Jews are good at anything, it’s laughing at batshit goyim.

And while I appreciate a good glass of kosher for Passover Manischewitz, in all it’s grape jelly-esque goodness, there is something really appealing about serving Fools & Trolls at the Seder table.

Zissen Pesach (Happy Passover Y’all. Or something like that.)

Next year in Jerusalem!

PS: My original intention was to publish these labels as printable online PDFs so you could use them too, but then my lawyer friend, the one who gets paid in cookies, advises me against it. Poo. Instead, if you want them, just email me directly and I’ll send you the PDF as an attachment. For personal and private use only.

Cher and the Ruffled Chicken

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Chickens are in.
I went out shopping for a baby shower gift the other day and found myself surrounded by chickens. Not bears. Not Elmo. Not Barney the purple dinosaur.

Chickens.

Has anyone else noticed how certain animals come in cycles of popularity? These days, chickens are everywhere. So are owls. Maybe chickens are the new owl. I’m pretty sure owls were the new giraffe.

I’m hoping the new chicken will be the seahorse. Is there are anything more musical and triumphant looking than a seahorse?

This animal thing is new, though. When I was a kid it was all about clowns. Every kid I knew had scary ass clowns printed on their sheets or wastebasket or something. Creepy. At least it wasn’t as bad as those who were raised in the late seventies, or what I affectionately refer to as The Mushroom Years – a stretch of time when clumps of ocher colored fungi adorned everything from wall clocks to toilet seats.
Do you know someone who is still harboring a decorative mushroom wall hanging?
Yeah. Thought so.  

Ready to join in the chicken trend?

Start by tracing a cutting out hand prints. Quantity will vary, but I can tell you it took 18 six-year-old hand prints to cover a large pasta  box. Bigger hands or a smaller box would trim it down, but really, who wants a trimmed chicken?

 Roll the feathers slightly by curling them around a pen or pencil. This goes faster if you work in big stacks of hand prints.

Remove one side of the box and cut out the chicken’s head (dang that sounds gross)…(freehand it yourself or download the template here). Attach the head to the box using a glue stick or double-stick tape.

 Glue a row of feathers to the inside of the box. Repeat on the outside.

SHAZAM! 
Stick a fork in it. That chicken be done!
This is very Eastery but there is certainly no reason you couldn’t use it as a bread basket or something. Right? Or make a turkey. Or change the colors. 
Actually, truth be told, the original source of inspiration for this project was a float in a gay pride parade (rainbow colored, natch.) Made from crepe paper ruffles with a giant dragon head, it was as big as a flat bed truck and loaded with beefy men in hot pants dancing to Cher’s Strong Enough (the remix, natch.)
What? Don’t act like you don’t get your best ideas at a gay pride parade. The colors, the sounds, the creative liberation….you should totally go. 
Did I ever tell you about the time a drag queen showed me how to apply mascara using a toothbrush?
Another time perhaps….
Happy Easter Y’all 🙂

Welcome, Magnolia.

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Do you know how long I have been waiting for the Magnolia tree outside my front window?

Eleven months.

That’s a Long Ass Time for a little bitty thing like a flowering tree. Winter has been especially cruel. I was starting to think she would never come at all, yet here she is, beautiful as ever, just waiting to don her flowery ballgown.

Welcome, Magnolia.