Christmas

The Christmas decorations are up! Who wants to come over for hot toddies and armadillo dip?

Keep in mind, more than 90% of what you see here is second hand (even split between thrift stores and thoughtful friends), the rest is from Garden Ridge (–If you have one in your area, you need to go. Serious. I had never heard of them two years ago, now I’m big time riding the Garden Ridge train. Toot toot!)

Here is a problem: I can’t find my rainbow serape to use as a tree skirt. That bastard walked out on me claiming I overused him or something, so I am relying on his brother, the blue one, as a sub. He’s fine but I’ll be damned if that sorry thing doesn’t need sequins (I‘m working on it).

And for another thing…


Here is tip: Put a chubby tree on a cheapo coffee table. Or, put any tree on a small table/dresser, for that matter. Or in a bucket. Just get it off the floor and into something. Not only will it make the tree taller and give it more presence, it will reduce the footprint of tree and take up less floor space (more visual floor space = more spacious room (or, at least a room that will not feel cramped by an enormous tree)). Without that $10 thrift store coffee table here, the tree would swallow up this whole room. With the table, the tree is in-your-face without messing up the utility of the space. Small investment – big difference. I’m a fan.

Double Bonus: vacuuming pine needles is easy, and, more room for gifts. Bam! I told you so.

The Old Tomato wreath made her annual appearance followed by these little rag wreaths I made with scraps turned into bows. I’m a little crazy about them. I made one and thought it was so cute I made ten. Tutorial to follow. Maybe. Hard to say. I'[m not very accountable right now. Look, it’s Crackmas.There is chocolate to eat!

Look. At. THAT.

Oh man, there are very few things in life I love more than the sight of hot pink on evergreen. No idea why this combo isn’t more popular. These two were meant to be together.

…just like me and Benedict Cumberbatch. Ahem.

This concludes the living room tour. Later this week it’ll be the dining room and the flamingo tree. Yes, the flamingo tree! With reader contributions. Get excited.

Dear Kitchen,

I know, I know. You need a full-sized Christmas tree like I need a hole in the head, but this needed to happen. Home Depot was selling five foot spruces for $12.98 and how was I going to say no to that?

I know, I know. It’s weird to put a tree in one’s kitchen but I kept it dignified, didn’t I? No lights or ornaments or nothing. Just some black and white buffalo check cotton torn into pieces.

You hear that? Torn. 

 All burly and stuff. It’s like a lumberjack tree. Kitchen, you are like mighty, masculine forest, harboring a super manly, totally-non-foofy, lumberjack tree. So what if I made bows? You are virile. You can handle bows, you big sweaty hunk of utility, you!

I know, I know, I know, Kitchen, I said I would quit putting sparkly things in you after I emasculated you by wallpapering the fridge…and stuffing your pantry with Easter baskets…and collecting granny china…but this tree….THIS TREE.

So what if it drops needles like a heroin addict? So what if it hurts to touch? I’m not going to make out with it. It just needs to sit there and be cute. Kitchen, just listen to that tree, it’s saying “Hay, look at me, I smell good. I’m pretty. Buy me things!”

And she only cost $12.98. How was I to say no to a pretty little thing like that?

And listen, Kitchen, I know you hate all these wreaths I’m hanging on you, but embellishments never killed anyone.  If I can survive your linoleum floors, you can survive the holidays.

Don’t act like you don’t need some Christmas spirit, Kitchen. Do I need to break out the stereo and Mannheim Steamroller?

Don’t make me go there. You know I’ll go there.

Kitchen, are you scared yet?
Let me in your fridge!!

-AP

It occurred to me that with all the hustle and bustle in December, I never took the time to take you guys on a tour of my holiday decorations. Last year they weren’t that much to look at on account of the recent move, but this year they were pretty swank (if I do say so myself). Of course, I was too busy putting them up to stand back and take a picture or two. Typical.

So now, just as I’m preparing to take them down this weekend, I thought I’d walk around and take some pictures while I still can. Better late than never, right?

I get that not everybody is into the traditional ‘twelve days’ of Christmas. So if you are long past drained of holiday spirit, this post may not interest you. See you Monday. For everyone else, read on…

Are you noticing a theme on this one? It’s birds. I have three trees covered with birds, feathers and birds. And a few balls for color. Did I mention the birds?

Someone once told me that peacocks are a traditional Christmas motif in Mexico. So I went heavy on peacocks for a couple of years. Then I asked a Mexican for the story behind the peacock and they looked at me like I had three heads. Apparently it is not a thing. Peacocks just look good on Christmas trees.I accept that.

The pink tree on the left, and the peacock tree on the right.

My Aunt Cake and I have the same tree toppers — peacocks. She has one on her tree because they have a wild peacock living on their property. For real. They feed him cheerios and cat food. I have one on my tree because I like him. And because the hippopotamus tree topper was too heavy. (This is the part where I am supposed to link to the tutorial on how I made him, but it appears Mod Cloth took it off their site. Maybe I’ll do another next year.

There is The Old Tomato wreath on the right and a smaller one on the left hung over the mirror. I like hanging wreaths on top of mirrors. It makes them seem more dignified. More purposeful. Or something.

This is a little vintage wax wreath I keep on top of the medicine cabinet mirror in the bathroom. You can still see around it enough to check for spinach in your teeth, and the wax makes it easy to spray down and clean at the end of the season. I wish wax wreaths hadn’t fallen out of favor. They are my favorite. Especially when spray painted gold. Man, I love that.

The chandelier in the living room steals the show, although, this picture is from November. It looks even better now. Aunt Nancy gave me a box of 1940’s hot pink and glitter mercury glass balls for Christmas. I split them between the pink tree and the chandelier. Now I come home and put the dimmer lights on low and just stare at it for ages. Would it be weird if I kept it like this all year? Do I care?

Did I mention I like pink?

The pink tree and the pajaki chandelier compete a little. I’m okay with it though. They need to learn to get along.

The black and white tree skirt is an actual skirt I get to wear often enough, so ‘m glad the pink tree is having a good time with it.

And that’s it. At least, what I could photograph today. My house is in a post-vacation state of chaos right now and not everything needs to be on camera if you know what I mean (notice the lack of floors seen in this post). 

Sigh, how the mighty will fall.