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Fuglometer: Shell Fruit Basket

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Sometimes I like to play this game wherein I go to the thrift store, locate the least attractive thing I can find, buy it, then bring it home and love it so hard it can’t help but be magnificent. It challenges me to look at things differently, and to realize that there is something wonderful in every act of creation, even if the end results score high on the fuglometer.

Sometimes it’s a hideous old hand-thrown coffee mug. Sometimes it’s an acrylic scarf so scratchy it might as well have been woven from human hair. And sometimes, just sometimes, it’s a giant basket of fruit of fruit made entirely of seashells.

Behold!

I know, I know. You can go on and see it as ugly, and that’s okay because I will see enough awesome for the both of us. I’m so excited. It’s just what I needed. Shell fruit! Now I wonder how we ever lived apart. It’s astounding how invigorating a little bad taste can be.


Even the bedazzled dinosaur loves it, and he is a hard fella to please.

Easter Decorations: AKA Let’s Put Feathers Where They Do Not Belong

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The Easter bunny dropped by last weekend, leaving a feathered path of Swedish sparkleyness in his wake.

Ooooooo! Shiny!


The Paskris went up again this year, albeit a little smaller than before. I don’t know if this is because I’m feeling a little less Easter, a little less Swedish, or because I still have to wear my winter coat outside in April, and I’m justifiably ticked about that.

Either way, it feels slightly springier in here and I’m down with that.

Also, in my never ending quest to hang random crap on chandeliers, this one got another makeover…


Not just eggs folks; eggs with feathers. I swear, feathers make everything better. Don’t ask me why, I don’t make the rules, they just do.


 Back to the Easter tree. These yarn eggs I made look surprisingly nifty on the tree, as well as off. I’m pretty pleased with how it all came out.


I’ll confess here, I’d be more pleased if this crazy German dude quit making my tree look like a poorly Charlie Brown tree, but I can be the bigger person.

Kudos to you crazy German dude, Kudos to you.    

 





The Best Thing to Ever Happen to the Internet

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OMG OMG OMG.

You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. You guuuuuuuuuuuuuys!!!!!!!!

YOU GUYS!

Iris Apfel, my idol, is having a cyber garage sale.

This Friday, April 5. One Kings Lane. Details here.

Sounds like she will be selling a little bit of everything. Will probably be expensive. If I’m priced out I’ll take it out on her collection at HSN, but I’ll be crossing my fingers and kissing my lucky dice just the same.

In the meantime, let’s just take a moment to remember why Iris is awesome.

This one right below was shot as a promo for her line of MAC cosmetics (sadly, no longer ins stores). Double snaps to MAC for choosing a 91-year-old cover girl. 

 She gets even better when you hear her voice.


Oh, Iris!

Bramble Patch: March 2014

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I know what you are thinking; Why is there a polar bear playing basketball in space?

The real question is why are there not more polar bears playing basketball in space.

This, among other things, has me happily distracted this last month.

***
I’m crazy about these blueprint portrait series. Cheap and expressive. So fun. Great for kids or couples. Would look great in the lobby of a small business too! 

Fashion lessons from the Cosby Show. Note: this article doesn’t even mention Vanessa’s perm years, or a plethora of other Cosby style tips, so this is really just a primer. I may *need* to write the follow up. 

Crazytown homemade canvas storage bags. I want one hamper sized. 

From Forbes Magazine: Why a ‘Jem and the Holograms’ film is important. (The fact that there was a group of people sitting around a conference room at Forbes saying “Yeah, let’s talk about Jem!” just makes my day). 

9 Things to never say to a woman who doesn’t want kids. Hello!

Watch a 40-year-old woman hear for the first time. I dare you to not cry.

A year and a half ago I wrote a post about why I no longer shop at Hobby Lobby. It got me some legit hate mail (that was not a surprise) and a windfall of new readers (that was a huge surprise). This week it received something of a traffic boom as Hobby Lobby’s case came before the US Supreme Court. I leave it to you to draw your own conclusion on the matter, but regardless of where you stand, this article on the evolution of the Evangelical stance was really interesting.  
Why is it so hard to make friends after 30? No really. Why?

I almost feel bad about how easily I let Gwyneth Paltrow annoy me. Almost. 
Speaking of people on my sh*t list, why is Joan Rivers being such a dirt bag these days? She used to be so cool. 

And because it’s Friday, and it’s the end of winter (HUZZAH!) let’s end on a happy note. Granny, break it down!!

Be sure to hold out until she starts gettin’ funky with the bag of Wonder Bread.

Fun with Glue and Matches

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Last night I decided to spend the evening with buttered peas and Radical Face. A splendid time was had by all. Somewhere in between Entertainment Tonight and my laptop freezing, I decided to light a candle, as I do nearly every night. I don’t light candles out of some romanticized ritual, I light candles as a way to whittle my concentration. It’s my jam. It’s just a tiny flame in a glass jar, but my eyes pick up on its presence and my brain interprets it as signal to get to work. It’s like, CRAP THERE IS A FIRE IN THE ROOM. Quit looking up Muppet movie propaganda on Pinterest and get down to work! So that’s my serenity tip for you, dear reader, lighting  a candle = getting stuff done.
Of course, my Olympian level procrastination skills could not prevent the onslaught of a much contemplated craft project; I could not just light a candle, I had to dress up the matches first.

Like this:


Do matches in a shot glass with a sandpaper bottom even count as a craft project? Probably not. But they look better than the matches you keep in the medicine cabinet, so in the name of “up-cycling” Imma call this a craft.  

Before we get to this I want to say something about matches: Matches are harrrrrrrrd to find these days. I know you think they are everywhere, but seriously, around here, they are not. I have been looking all over town for decent wooden matches for months, MONTHS, and the only place that sells them is the Enya playing florist gift shop for $7 a box. Everywhere else under the sun carried lighters-a-plenty, but matches, good quality matches appear to be going out of style or something.

I thought I had seen them in the grocery store next to the napkins, and hardware store next to the camping gear, but to my surprise, I couldn’t find them. And don’t act like I wasn’t looking because I asked in several stores – management informed me they carry lighters, or that matches come out come BBQ season, and until then I could get a free book up at the front counter. Not wooden matches but practical matches, which are not what I wanted but I appreciated the gesture.

Up until a few years ago you’d still see lead crystal bowls of wooden matches on the hostess stand at some restaurants and bars, but that practice appears to have the wayside as well. Maybe you find that in other places, though. Smoking inside bars or restaurants in Illinois is illegal so it makes sense they cut out the cost of supplying books of matches just to end up in someone’s medicine cabinet. That’d be like me going to the beauty salon and expecting salad dressing. Okay not really, that was a bad comparison, but you get the point. Matches are hard to find!

Lucky for me, I reached out to you guys on Facebook and got the scoop – Dollar Tree. This surprised me as I am in Dollar Tree at least once a month, but never once noticed they carried these 8 packs of 32 count matchbooks (in the kitchen section beneath the sugar tongs).


My plan was to just keep a box of matches on the coffee table next to the candle, but these aren’t exactly what you’d call ‘looker’ matches, so they needed dressing up. Last night was the night. This was even better than a box as I could pile them put them all in a shot glass and leave them out on the coffee table near the candle.

We had a neighbor growing up who used to keep a bunch of tall matches in a shot glass by the fireplace. The glass had a picture of California etches on the side that she’d strike the match against the etching and it would light. I thought that was a California thing but apparently some matches will strike a light when rubbed on most anything with texture. These matches are not like that. They need strike paper or extra fine sandpaper, so that’s what I glued to the bottom of my shot glass. The rough sandpaper didn’t work, so it’s a good thing I tried it first. Dang, way for me to be smart like that. 

If anyone else knows of a no-fail source for wooden matches, please let me know. These will run out in time and I’d like to find some less teensy ones. Cigar shops are next on my list, or maybe this’ll be a good excuse to enter the world of BBQ accessories. I’ll keep you posted. It doesn’t get much more exciting than matchbook retailers!    

25 Resources for Improving Your Blog

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So. I may have hit a nerve with Monday’s rambling post about the meaning of this blog….Who am I?…Why are we here?…What is the purpose of existence? 

Yeah.

I won’t have the answers for a while, if ever, but what came out of that post was a pretty cool conversation about a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with me, which makes me feel better about using this platform for such a self-indulgent romp through the cerebral wilderness. Anyway. Through the comments and emails to follow, the common thread that keeps appearing is not one related to my blog, but our blogs. I don’t assume any of my readers are bloggers, but clearly some of you are, or are thinking about becoming one, or are considering using blogging and social media to expand an existing online business. Since the issue here is expansion, I thought this might be a great time to share some of my favorite blogging tips from other people. Things I have found super helpful over the last four years. Things I wish someone had told me sooner. 

Disclaimer: The sources credited below were not researched for this post. Every single one of these links was bookmarked or pinned by me because I found it extremely useful. Granted, I don’t follow allllll the advice in these posts, but I can tell you I have learned from each one of them. In all this, the thing to remember is that the internet (as we know it) is new. Real new. There is no right or wrong way to do it, so don’t let anyone tell you that their way is better than yours. Nobody is an expert (yet), we are all just enthusiasts. 

****For Beginners
You want to start a blog but you are intimidated by the prospect of setting one up. 

1. Video tutorial how to start a Blogger based blog, start to finish. You will publish your first post in under 30 minutes – it’s that easy. And totally free. The only thing you need to start is a Gmail account, but that is free too.

2. Video tutorial how to start a WordPress based blog, start to finish, including purchasing a custom domain and host server. Will take a few hours (but 80% of it is just waiting for the server to populate) and cost under $35 to get started.

Tangent: What is the difference between Blogger and WordPress?
This is a complicated question and not one I have the full authority to answer, but let me ask you this; Are you comfortable with new technology? Do you understand the difference between a blog, a website, a post, and a feed? Do you use an RSS feed or blog reader like Blog Lovin or Feedly? Do you not get overwhelmed when tech devices change or upgrade? Do you use more than two social media outlets (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Vine, Tumblr, etc)? Are you one of the five people who understand how to use Google Plus? Do you understand why comic sans is evil? If you answered yes to more than half of those questions, go for WordPress. Everyone else stick to Blogger – it’s much more user friendly. WordPress is optimized for more customization and nifty things you don’t have to worry about, but Blogger is pretty badass too. This site is a blogger site, but I use WordPress sites for work. Both have their benefits. If you find yourself overwhelmed by the comparison, that’s probably a sure sign to stick with Blogger. There are other platforms like Typepad, Squarespace, and Tumblr but they haven’t picked up the same traction as these two, and if you ask me, that’s for good reason.

****For the Interested
You have a blog but you don’t put time into maintaining it. You want to build a rhythm and expand your audience but you don’t know where to start.

3. The template of a “perfect” blog post  Obviously, the “perfect” part is up for interpretation, but I find myself using this outline when I know I need to write a post but don’t have the time or patience to go about it in a thoughtful way. It’s like Bisquick for blogging. 

4. 10 Ways to get more eyes on your posts.

5. 52 Things to post about when you don’t know what to post about.

Sidebar: Crafterminds, the site I just linked, is geared to craft bloggers (oodles of good stuff if that’s your genre, especially for beginners), but I think the guts of those 52 prompts are pretty universal to bloggers of all stripes. If I was just starting out with blogging, I would take that list of writing prompts (and here are a bunch more), then go on a 30 day blogging binge. Post something every day for 30 days. No quitting. Some posts might be just a picture and a photo caption, others might be a lengthier sort of opus. A 30 day bootcamp will shake out all the nerves and anxiousness about tech issues, and at the end, you will know your rhythm. You’ll know what you like blogging about and how often you want to blog about it. That 30 day initial investment is the key.    

6. 22 Writing prompts to help improve your About page (y’all: this is harrrrd)

7. 12 Things to do after you have written a blog post.

8. For creative/crafty bloggers – Sites to submit your work to.

9. How to get noticed as a new blogger.

10. 10 Tips for Search Engine Optimization (SEO).

**** For the Experts
You run a successful blog and post on a regular basis. Your blog gives back to you, either by way of personal catharsis, feedback from your peers, or revenue from your audience. You have good thing, but you know it could be better.

11. This is an interview with Gary Vaynerchuk, who understands more about how people operate on the internet than the rest of us put together. You’ll find a bunch of his lectures on the internet, but he has also has some books on social media that are great, Jab, Jab, Right Hook in particular. The good news is he knows what he is talking about, the bad news is it’ll take a ton of time. Earlier this year I dedicated one solid week to following his advice for audience engagement on Facebook (which is almost impossible manipulate these days) and look what happened to my reach:

Dude knows what he is talking about. His advice really is not specific to bloggers, so if you own a small business, or work in marketing or PR, you are going to want to check him out.

12. 13 Blogging Stats you probably don’t know but should.

13. How to manage your social media in 30 minutes a day (I don’t buy the 30 minutes, but 60 maybe).

14. Double your Facebook likes in 5 minutes a day.
      
15. Double your Pinterest followers in 5 minutes a day.

16. This is a good lookin’ media kit.

17. A great infographic on how to get more pins and repins.

18. 15 Productivity tips from prolific writers.

19. How to foster a loyal blog following. Q: Do you know your average return rate off-hand? In the long run, that number matters more than pageviews. Food for thought. 

20. How to keep your inbox under 5 emails (I dream of this).

21. A candid breakdown of how one decorating blogger makes money.

**** Layout and Design Tips
Good for bloggers of all levels and areas of expertise.

22. 10 Blog Layout Tips.  This comes from A Beautiful Mess, a blog devoted to every kind of visual content topic on the planet, and yet never looks overwhelming.They know what they are doing.

23. The anatomy of a perfect landing page. This is more geared toward business-based websites than a blog, but it’s excellent food for thought in prioritizing what goes above the fold. After you see this outline you’ll start spotting it all over the place, including some of the highest traffic sites on the planet. It works.

24. 7 Mistakes even nice looking blogs make.

25. And if all else fails, if you want to hire someone to pimp your blog, Nellie Bellie is for hire. These two ladies know their stuff and are great at breaking it down in bite-sized chunks. They can take your thump of a blog and turn it into a pa-pow!  

Side note on hiring people: If you are considering contracting someone, anyone, to upgrade your blog, DO YOUR RESEARCH. I actually hired someone else to do some work on my blog last fall. Long story short: it was a disaster. I spent months waiting in line only to be ignored, then ignored again, then after much pestering, found out this person never had the time or qualifications to handle my site in the first place. So now I’m stuck; do I spend more money to hire a lawyer to get it back, or do I let it slide? I don’t know, but I have learned my lesson. Moral of the story; even when you think you know everything about something, and you are going about something in a thoughtful way, you are probably missing out on something pretty basic. Whatever the something is, there is a decent chance we covered it in one of the links above!

Anyone else got any great blogging tips or resources to share? Chime in the comments 🙂

    

Oprah, Eat Your Heart Out.

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My cousin John just gchatted me the most traumatic thing I’ve ever seen.

In summary: The Breakfast Club detention took place on March 24th, 1984.

Thirty years ago today. Thirty years. Guys. Thirty. Thirty years. If that does not spur you into feeling old, I don’t know what will. Or you just never watched The Breakfast Club, which is your loss, but it doesn’t change my current state of trauma. Just yesterday I crossed a pack of highschoolers in a parking lot and held my head down not wanting to look “big kids” in the eye. Now, technically, those “big kids” could be my children. This is how anxious I am to avoid the harsh reality of adulthood. I’m not ready for this. Not. Ready. Which brings me to something I have been meaning to mention…


Ahem.
  
If you picked up on some spottiness on the blog lately, you are right. I have been taking some self-imposed time outs to work on my fitness. And by fitness I mean ice cream and cable TV, but whatever, it’s my couch. My blog. I’ll be slothful if I want to.   

The truth is I have been having some tough conversations lately. Conversations with myself, my employer, and the people around me. Conversations about what comes next. Where do I want to be in five years? What do I want to be when I grow up? Am I a grownup already? Oh, crap, when did that happen? Does that mean I am officially a grownup? Did I run out of choices? Are there do-overs? Is there still time to order dessert? Who said I asked for the bill already? I’m not ready for this kind of commitment. So not ready. Who said I already decided? Am I too old for a mid-life tantrum? Am I? AM I?

You know, that old chestnut. 

The fact is, I’m not really sure. Five years ago I went through some major, major changes. And it damn near killed me. The good news is, I bounced. I hit bottom, I bounced, and I landed. I landed somewhere comfortable. And thanks to a steady job, some freelance clients, a network of awesome and inspiring people in my life (a couple in particular :)), and a nightstand loaded with self-help books, the last five years have been just about the bestest and easiest of my 34 so far. I have it good. Real good. Not a day goes by that I don’t count the abundance of my blessings on my fingers and toes, three times over. I know my story could have gone in another direction. In terms of human growth, my growth, five years is a lifetime in itself. To ask myself where I will be five years from now is a messy, way-beyond-wet-naps messy, and loaded question.

Aunt Peaches (the website, not the person) is coming up on four years this summer. I feel like I am coming up on the crossroads. Somewhere along the way this went from a cathartic weekend hobby to an all-week part-time job with barely part-time income. It’s been awesome. However, I worry that I could be, or should be, investing that time into other areas of my life. On the other hand, I wonder, if I invested what is left of my free time into the blog, could it become something more substantial? Could it be a primary source of income? I see other people doing this all the time – why not me? What would happen if I buckled down and spent some time on self-promotion? Or developed a basic business strategy and optimized my site and feed readers? Or all those other things that smart people do? Would turning a fun thing into a job thing make it suck? Would that change the tone and thereby change the readership? Is the blog market oversaturated already, and do I really have anything to add to the conversation? Really? Do I? Really?

Don’t answer that.


It’s a tough one. And I don’t flatter myself to think I am unique in contemplating these questions…

What worries me more is that there is no safety net. No spouse. No immediate family. No extended family within 1,000 miles. Plenty of friends and amifams to help pick up the pieces if something went wrong (see above mention, aka: the whole of my 2008)…but yeah. I’m too young to embrace adulthood, too old to be living on someone else’s couch. This is scary stuff. The concept of being my own boss is far more terrifying than joyful. I know what it’s like to live on the brink of disaster. I’ve lived on public assistance. I’ve gone to bed hungry. I’ve done things for money that I didn’t want to do. I don’t ever want to go back there. I don’t ever want to let myself feel that desperate or that helpless ever again. My current state of stability isn’t just convenience, it’s something I owe to myself. My past self. I don’t know what I would do if I lost it.   

And yet, on the other hand, for once in my life, my lack of connections works in my favor. I am solo. My current load is light. No dependents, no liabilities, no parents to worry about, no major monthly living expenses. As stuff goes ($tuff), I’m pretty flexible. I’m still paying off my student loan but for the first time in a long time, I can see the light at the end of that tunnel. My health is good, and thanks to the Affordable Healthcare Act, I can get reasonable health insurance for under $200 a month (–fyi: in 2008, the last time I was self-insured, it was double that and then some for crappy coverage, so youbettcha I’m grateful for Obamacare).*

*This is a perfect example of something I would not be able to mention if this blog was a job and not a hobby.

Anyway. It seems like the stars have aligned in a way to spell it out in big bold letters, IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE, NOW IS THE TIME TO GET UP OFF YOUR ASS AND CHANGE IT.

Ughhhhh.

Ughhhhhh. Can you hear the fizzle in that? Yeah. That’s apathy creeping in under the door. Opportunity is knocking but apathy wants in whether I answer that door or not. I’m desperately trying to keep it out. I’m trying to drive forward and figure out what comes next, but the path of least resistance keeps leading me to the couch with a half-eaten carton of ice cream and a loaded DVR. How is a gal to resist?

I’ll admit. I’m not doing so well right now.  

Part of this process is sharing this issue with you guys. This post is not fishing for advice or encouragement, I promise. My hope here is that by being as public and as honest with you guys as I can, it’ll spur me into accountability. And decision making. Tough decision making.  Rawrrrk!

In the next 90 days, I need to make some tough decisions regarding me. Regarding this blog. Regarding my job. Regarding my road map. Regarding the future and how these things play together.

Do I quit my job and throw myself into online entrepreneurial adventures? Do I find some other job and ditch this blog to give new prospects my undivided attention? Is it possible to find some balance that works with both (better than what I have now)? Do I want to give up the freedom of blogging about whatever I want, whenever I want in order to attract readers and more sponsors? Would it be weird to no longer have to be anonymous, hiding my name and my appearance online? Would it be awesome to sink my teeth into something new? Would it be terrifying if I didn’t know how much money I would make next month? What would I do if it didn’t work out? Would I regret it if I never tried? Am I putting all my eggs in one basket? What’s my Plan B? What will it look like if I fail? What will I look like with my bangs grown out?

A lot of questions. All of them admittedly self-indulgent, yet, some of the most important I will ever face.

And then the answer came by way of email from my friend Hillary who wrote, “I got it! I know what you can be when you grow up!” followed by a link to this video:

And there you have it. The answer to all my questions wrapped up in a crazy Californian lady living in a self-imposed Kingdom of Cats. Say what you will about the business model, but as far as inspirational life choices, this beats all.

So there you go. Oprah, eat your heart out.

  

The Year of the Pom Pom

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I think 2014 is gearing up to be the year of the pom pom. Eff this “radiant orchid” crap; pom poms rule. And not just because I have a have a crafty hard on for them and their 70’s nostalgia, or because they are inexpensive and kid-friendly, or because they come in awesome colors FROM THE DOLLAR TREE, or because I have a drawer in my home literally labeled “pom poms and awesome”…but because nobody can dislike a pom pom.

Okay. Now I typed that about nobody can dislike a pom pom and someone will have to be contrary and say pom poms suck, and that’s fine. Be that way. In the wise words of Kyle Richards, elder stateswoman of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, there will always be those who “look for tits on an ant” only this time we are not talking about tits we are talking about pom poms, and we are not talking about ants we are talking about everything. And I mean everything. You can put pom poms on anything.

Lookahere!


Guys, it’s a rug. Can you even imagine walking out of the shower and stepping into this candy colored pile of cheerfulness? No. You can’t. That’s why we have to hurry up and make one. 


Did you know you can glue pom poms to balloons? Me neither. I’m slightly suspicious of the method as I’m terrified of the sound of popping balloons, but these are next to amazing so I might just have to suck it up.


These. I’m not sure what these are for but I want 100 of them. And if I never use them in the whole of my life I want them tied to my coffin. They are coming with me into the afterlife. 


If you are not the DIY type, this might be a good way to get your pom pom on. I would wear this with my bathrobe to the grocery store.

You think I’m kidding.



Or if you are the DIY type, this necklace is very doable with some ball fringe.


And speaking of DIYing with ball fringe, does anyone have a cheap source for the stuff? I’m thinking it would be easy to make this curtain panel, but given the price per yard at my fabric store, I suspect I would save money just buying straight from Anthropologie. And where is the fun in that?


Can you even believe these fruity bits are made of yarn? The directions on that strawberry look surprisingly doable, too.


And bears. So cute. Not as cute as a green-eyed marmalade cat pom pom, but I know a cute yarn koala when I see one. The panda ain’t hard to look at either.

Question is, where does this leave me in my epic saga to reach new pom pom heights. My poorly picture frame and garland hardly compare to these acts of pom pom bravery.

le sigh. 

The quest continues…
     









 

Unicorn Yarn Eggs in Under a Minute

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A couple Sundays ago, Heidi came over for an afternoon craft session. There was yarn. There was glue. There was fun.

Ahem.

Lola would like you to know that she helped too.

The resulting yarntastic egg wonder is up on I Love to Create’s blog, where I’ll be posting tutorials once a month. Wahoo! This is an exciting new adventure for me, so I hope you will pop over and check it out. While you are over there be sure to poke around. You’ll find oodles of other great ideas from bloggers using some of my favorite standby craft supplies like Tacky Glue and Tulip paint. In fact, while I was getting ready to launch this post, I discovered another yarn egg tutorial featuring a different method altogether (so check that one out too!)

Is it weird to post an Easter craft on Saint Patrick’s day like this? I don’t think Saint Patrick would mind. I’m not entirely sure what leprechaun’s think of Easter eggs, but I’m pretty sure they would approve. I suspect, if a unicorn could lay eggs, I’m pretty sure this is what they would look like. I’m not sure that leprechauns and unicorns are best buds but they both hang out by rainbows, and, for a good two years in the 80’s there was a unicorn on the cover of Lucky Charms cereal boxes, and that makes them Irish for sure.

Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Daoibh, Unicorns!