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Mrs. Roper’s Revenge

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My 1970’s kick continues. First it was Mrs. Roper’s kaftans, now it’s her decor.

I don’t know about you, but woven wall hangings were all the rage when it was a kid. It was awesome. Somewhere along the line they went out of fashion and up until recently you’d find them dime-a-dozen at thrift stores. Now they are hot again and Mrs. Roper has her revenge!

For those of us who were not smart enough to see this cyclical resurrection coming, we must make our own wall hangings. I’m not exactly a macrame expert, so I rely on white cotton yarn and a whole lot of little jars of dye to generate results.

The bad news is my house is now overflowing with excess bundles of custom dyed yarn. The good news is, for about $10 and precious little effort, you can make your own nifty wall hanging. Catch my tutorial over on Ilovetocreate.com!

Dinnerware Gone Rogue: How to Hang a Plate Wall

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By my calculations, based on my age and fondness for food, I have consumed somewhere in the arena of 37,230 meals. Minus that post-breakup month I ate nothing but ice cream and wine slushies (don’t you judge me), that comes to 37,200 occasions for plates. And if I had my druthers, I would have taken each one of those meals on a different piece of dinnerware; breakfast on a green plate, lunch on the orange. One day striped, one day leopard. Did you know it is a scientific fact that spaghetti tastes better on polka dots?

It’s true. I know these things.

My blue-and-white ceramics collection hit a growth spurt last year, but as much as I like old timey pieces, I have to divide my menagerie of china dinner plates into three different stacks; one for the everyday dishwasher-safe plates, one for more delicate hand-wash only plates, and one for really pretty plates that were too cheap to pass up but too loaded with lead-paint to eat off. With all that fuss, it’s kinda nice to have an all-occasion alternative. Enter: melamine…

See these plates? They are melamine. And not like the crappy picnic gear type of melamine that gets scratched and scuffed up in the dishwasher – I mean heavy-duty, all season, all occasion melamine. Gorgeous patterns – quality materials. When Q Squared told me they wanted to sponsor a post and send me a box of samples, I was excited to see them in person…then they arrived and I felt them in my hands…then I squealed for a sec…then I decided to test out the endurance by dropping them on the floor. And by dropping I mean throwing, but whatever, you can see for yourself.

Yeah. This ain’t your grandma’s china.

I mean, your grandma’s china is awesome and all, but you probably have to be really delicate about it and only bring it out on special occasions, right? Yeah. This, this ain’t that. This stuff is meant to last. Indoors, outdoors, in between. You could be all rustic and stuff and camp with it. Look at you, being fancy and stuff in the wilderness. Get down, you. Get down!

Okay. So, since Q Squared was kind enough to send me these samples and offer a giveaway for y’all (more on that in a minutes) I thought it would be nice to show off the product since they all sorta mix-and-match without being matchy-matchy. Don’t you love that? I love that. It’s like Garanimals for dinnerware.  


Okay, now let’s talk about plate walls for a sec. Plate walls are awesome, but if you have ever tried to hang one you know they can get out of hand in a hurry. Will the hanger hold? Where do I put the nail? How do I get them hung up so they don’t look stupid?

Let’s break this down.

Will the hanger hold?
Yes. People have been hanging plates on the wall since caveman times (for real!) so I think you will be okay. You can buy individual spring-mount plate hangers at any craft or framing supply store (many dollar stores as well) but they are bulky and can get expensive. Instead, I like to buy these little adhesive hangers that stick to the back after activating the adhesive with a little water. They are inexpensive (maybe five for a dollar?) and if/when you decide you want the plates off the wall and back in circulation, you just soak them for an hour and the adhesive disappears. Nifty, right? Since these plates are melamine, which is non-porous, I am reinforcing the adhesive with a piece of duct tape, just to be safe. I’m not worried about them falling off the wall, but even if they did, no biggy, they don’t break. Winning. 

Where do I put the nail?
Salon walls (fancy name for art clusters) can be really frustrating to hang up. Some folks like to lay stuff out on the ground and make newspaper templates, and that’s nice, but way too fussy for me. I just like to start with the big pieces first, hang them, then fill in with smaller items as I see fit. Getting the nails in the right spot is the hard part, but luckily, I have a trick. All you need is— and you are going to love this – toothpaste.

Flip the piece around and dab some toothpaste on  the spot where the nail will go, then hold the piece against the wall exactly where you want to hang it. Then push. Hard. Hard enough that the toothpaste will come off on the wall – THAT SPOT is where you put the nail. After the nail is up you can wipe away the toothpaste with a wet sponge. Or not. It’s toothpaste – it ‘s not hurting anybody.

How do I get them hung up so they don’t look stupid?

A few things…

  1. Cluster. Unless you have 100 plates, don’t try to fill the whole wall, just create a composition in the middle of a wall, or anchored above a piece of furniture. Sometimes I see people scatter 10 plates on a giant wall and they all look kinda lonely; instead, try hanging them all together. Like a party. A plate party.
  2. Balance. For a random-yet-balanced formation, start with your biggest plate and hang it toward the bottom off-center of the area in question. Next grab two small plates and hang them immediately next door. Now you have a cluster of three and things look good in threes. Start another cluster of three nearby, then fill in the bridge and build out as you see fit. Spacing is your call, but I suggest trying to hang them between 3”-9” apart. More than that and the plate patterns won’t talk to each other, which makes for a lame party.
  3. Pattern. Do you have three red plates? Or two flowered blue plates? Space them apart. Our eyes are automatically trained to seek out patterns – spacing out items of similar shape and color will force the eye to travel. If all your plates are of a similar size and color, add some contrast. Here I added a few flat wicker baskets to the composition just as an easy way to add contrast to all the bright and vivid patterns with glossy surfaces. You could easily do the same with plain white plates, or some other visual “neutral.”   
  4. Relax. The great thing about a plate wall is that if you don’t like it, you can take them down and eat dinner.  Big whoop.

*sidebar: Where to hang things on a blank wall. Plates, art, hooks, whatever…
Do you get really intimidated by the thought of hanging thing sin the wrong place on the wall? Here is a tip; decide where you want to hang it, mark it with a pencil, then put a nail 10″ directly below that. Erase the pencil mark. Hang your picture. That’s it. If you think that’s too low, you’re wrong, it’s not. Nothing makes art look cheap and common like hanging it high up. And don’t follow some old rule about 5feet 8inches or whatever either — that’s crap. It’s all about proportion, and most of us proportion too damn high. Aim lower. You’re welcome. 

    I probably shouldn’t call these unbreakable. If you ran over one with a truck, or threw one off a highrise, it would probably break. But that would be at least 10 quality minutes of cathartic release, and a helluva lot cheaper than therapy. So it’s still a total bargain. 

    Also. You see that leaf platter? I’m crazy about it. You could serve scrambled eggs and cat food on that thing and it would still look sassy. Now that’s quality! Shop around and see what you like. Bonus 20% off discount when you use the promo code AuntPeaches.  

    The folks at Q Squared want to give you this awesome piece – the enormous Montecito red platter and three coordinating appetizer plates. I don’t know if you can tell, but the platter is huge. You could easily serve a turkey on there, or layout one bad mamajama of a crudité veggie platter. It also looks really good with my regular blue and white china, and with a black and white stripe napkins. Just sayin.

    To enter the giveaway leave a comment below answering the following question;

    What is the best meal you ever ate?* (brownie points for anyone who can remember anything about the plate it was served upon).

    Comments close Friday, March 21, 2014, 5pm CST. Comments are now closed. Winner chosen at random. If your email is not linked to your profile, please mention it in your comment as well just to be safe. One entry per person, please.

    When you are done, hop on over to see what’s cooking at Q Sqaured, or better yet, take a moment to like them on Facebook or follow them on Twitter or Instagram.

    Disco Enlightenment

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    I couldn’t bring myself to take down all the Christmas decorations. A transition phase was needed. And so what if it’s half-way to Easter? Listen, we deserve some sparkle. That buttmunch groundhog promised six more weeks of winter and I’ll be damned if I am supposed to spend it in darkness. I need light. I need sunshine. I need delicious things to eat with my eyeballs.

    I need disco balls. 


    These bugaboos had previously been hanging out in a bowl with clementines. Now they live on my old granny chandelier. They spin a little in the breeze, and in the morning the eastern light hits them so they send hundreds of little sun-beamletts shooting all over the room. It’s like eating breakfast at a prom, but it’s daytime. And Al Roker is there. So that is fun.   

    They will probably come down in a few months when it’s time to Easter eggs, but for now I am enjoying their company. Winter is harsh. I’ll take all the disco enlightenment I can get. 

      
     

    How to Hide the Cable Box

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    So this thing happened five, maybe ten, years ago – TVs got big.

    Big and flat.

    It used to be that TVs were big boxy things and people would try to stash them in armoires, or relegate them to hidden rooms like Edward Rochester’s first wife, never to be seen by anyone but the inner family. But nowadays…nowadays, it’s different. Nowadays, everyone wants to show Big Bertha off. I mean, after all, Bertha is lookin’ pretty.  Almost sculptural. Dudes take pride in showing off how large a TV they own (what is with that, btw?) so they like to display them in a place of pride – above the mantle, on a focal wall, or sitting atop a beautiful credenza.

    …Thing is, when I see this, I can’t help but wonder, WHERE IS THE CABLE BOX? Do they not have cable? Okay, that’s cool, but no DVD player? A modem? Even a new-fangled TV will require an antenna, right? TV’s don’t come alone. They always come with a little friend. Where does the friend go?

    Sources 1 | 2 | 3

    Do they put the electronic stuff in the cabinet and then leave the cabinet door open? Is that not annoying? And even if you were cool with that, wouldn’t the cabinet door block the remote from half the room? How are you going to lay on your couch and watch Lifetime movies if you have to sit up your butt just to get the remote to work?

    #whitegirlproblems


    Well. I still don’t know the answer to these questions, but I did find a way around this. It cost me a $6 trip to Target and took two minutes to install.

    Want to know the secret?


    I know what you are thinking: Are tension rods sturdy enough to hold something heavy like a cable box?

    Yes. Yes they are. I know, I was worried too, which is why I tried it out for four months before sharing it here. So far, so good. There is an ottoman underneath just for insurance. Also, I used the screw type tension rods instead of the twist type as they seem sturdier, but I suppose either one would work. The key is to get the rod in there as tight as possible. I mean tight. 


    If I was tasteful I’d probably paint the rods black (or bought black rods in the first place), but I’m lazy and white makes for better demo photos. The desk was a thrift store cast-off gift from my friend Grace ten years ago. It used to be cream and red, so I painted it celery and dotted the edges with a gold pen. Up until this fall I had been using it as a vanity in my closet, but then Kiki upgraded TV’s and gave me her old one and I needed a bigger base. It wasn’t until after the TV was already in place that I noticed the pocket underneath would make a great hiding spot for electronics. I know not everyone has a desk or table with sort of structure laying around the house, but let me tell you, there is one at your local thrift store right now.

    No, I mean it. It’s there right now. It’s all wood and stuff. It has your name on it. Go get it.

    No, seriously.

    Why are you still here?

    Go and get it.

    PS: Another post on how to work around a TV (same TV too!)


    Feelin Like Gold

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    It’s that day in November. That day in November when rain turns to snow. Snow soup. Puffer coat in snow soup — that’s me. It’s that day and it ain’t cute.

    The begining of snow also means it is the end of spray paint season. It’ll be a good four or five months until temps are high enough to spray paint outdoors (it won’t dry otherwise). With this in mind, this past weekend, I spray painted everything I own. Some of it pink, but most of it gold. Because I’m classy like that.

    I went a bit crazy for eucalyptus this summer. The plan was to let it dry then blend it into a Christmas tree come December, but apparently dried eucalyptus is highly flammable so I’ll have to settle for a few fountanus (that’s I real word I decided) bunches around the house.

    Then the gourds were jealous. They were all, We are warty and bald, give us some bling!

    So they got it.

    Then I went to Ikea and nearly lost my damn mind. Somewhere near the exit they had cheapo baby Christmas trees and that calmed me down enough to make it through check-out. Phew! The tree is too small to decorate but the pot is fair game. And really, can you think of anything that cannot be improved upon with the addition of gold stripes?

    I think not. 

    Celery, Sorta

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    BAM. New chandelier.

    It’s big. It’s bright. It’s celery green. I can’t make up my mind if I like it, but I’ll tell you what, it was a $19.99 fixer-upper from Goodwill. And aint nuthin’ wrong with that.

    The new (to me) Cesca chairs in the dining room made me anxious for a new lighting fixture. And since I’m sorta big on chandeliers, I thought I’d surf some Ebay for a thrifty vintage alternative. Good idea – Bad results. The least expensive fixture to my liking came in at a whopping $800. Muchos Cheddaros!

    So, when I saw this big 80’s Williamsburg brass bugger at Goodwill for under $20, I snagged it. Inspired by Jenny(Little Green Notebook)’s makeover a larger version of this same style light fixture months earlier, I knew spray paint and round bulbs would turn this into something awesome. And I was right – it did indeed, come out awesome. But, errrrrm, maybe not awesome in this room.

    Couple problems…
     

    Problem 1. I picked the wrong spray paint. The celery green is too pale in comparison to the table, too fluffy-girly seen next to the pale pink walls. It’d look cool in another room, but in here it’s too coming off granny, and not in a granny chic sort of way. More granny mothball. Or granny panties. Fun.

    Problem 2. See above – there is a dimmer switch on the wall. I love that thing. However, dimmer does not love the light. If I leave it on for more than a few minutes the switch plate starts to buzz and get warm. Apparently this is a common problem that happens when the dimmer does not agree with the light bulbs. It’s not a problem when it’s on 100%, but if I dial it down in between, the buzzing starts. It’s not the worst thing, but 15 bulbs at 100% is  A LOT OF LIGHT.

    Conclusion: It’ll do for now. I think it’ll migrate to another room as soon as I can find another fixture I like better, and in the meantime, it can play dress up in my favorite party dress: Christmas balls.   




    Suzani Time

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    Follow up to a post earlier this summer wherein I mentioned I did not have a real bed. Mattress/box spring – yes. Bed, per say –no.

    Update: I now have a real bed. It’s a hand-me down Ikea bed from a friend and I totally love it. Modern. Sturdy. Free. Even better – it’s low to the ground and doesn’t require a box spring (ie critter trap). Do you know that a mouse can build a nest inside a box spring and live there for months without you ever knowing? I speak from experience here. Don’t even ask. I can’t talk about it without taking a shower.  

    Anyway, as much as I like the bed, it’s simple and the headboard isn’t tall enough to see. So, instead of a Morrocan Wedding blanket headboard and went for a suzani wall hanging instead. Initially I was going to use the suzani to upholster a DIY headboard, but later decided to make it a wall hanging so I don’t have to worry about pillows rubbing away the stitch work, or fabric dye coming off on the sheets. It’s a work in progress but I’m pretty happy with it. It adds some Central Asian flair to the room. Can you even imagine if I get some ikat pillows going on? Yeah dawg.

    Oddly enough, I happen to own a legit suzani I bought in a market in Kyrgyzstan in 2004, but it’s not large enough for above the bed.  Luckily, through the powers of Ebay and Etsy, you can buy one now from $30 -$200 a pop. This is where I got mine. It took two weeks to arrive from Uzbekistan via DHL, which is half the time it took me to get a staple gun from New Jersey last week. Way to go, US postal service.

    True, shipping isn’t cheap. But when you figure the hours of work that must have gone into making one of these…gosh. It’s staggering. All that embroidery. I feel a little guilty having paid so little for something that took so long to create.  Who would spend so much time making this artwork only to give it up? To be sold second-hand across the internet? I worry that I am profiting off another person’s loss. I worry I am just another white person removing indigenous treasures from a developing nation. I worry that…

    Damn. Can you tell I’ve been watching Blood Diamond? Oy, I tell you, leave it to that Leonardo DiCaprio to make you feel all hot-n-bothered about your questionable shopping habits. Thanks, Leo.

    Poppin Tags: Cesca Chairs

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    New crazy dining chairs to go with my old crazy dining room. It feels like Kermit the frog threw a party in here. You know I love it.


    Before I start in on this, I want to address the fact that I am fully aware 80% of the people reading this post will look at these chairs and think, Bajeebuz, those are some fugly 80’s chairs. Why’d you take those from the garage sale? Fool, you coulda gotten ten Beanie babies for what those chairs cost!

    Annnnnnd that is their opinion. They are totally entitled to it. Some people like beer, some people like champagne. Some people like Chardonnay and Diet Mountain Dew wine slushies (just sayin’, yo).

    Bottom line, I love them. Some people won’t ever see them as anything but garage sale cast offs, and that’s okay.

    What they do not realize is that those chairs, are Cesca chairs. They are not from the 1980’s, they are from the 1920’s. Designed by Marcel Breuer in 1928 (named for his daughter Francesca), the genius in the design is the frame – one long continuous tube metal tube. An engineering idea so simple, it’s stupid. Yet all of civilization went by until 1928 when Breuer thought of it. That’s why they are amazing. No joints. No fuss. Cesca chairs are still considered one of the pinnacles of Bauhaus design and you will find them in the Museum of Modern Art. Oddly enough, they were never patented so there no such thing as a “real” Cesca, which is perhaps why they are not more collectable. Knoll has kept them in production for decades and currently sell Cesca chairs for $725 a pop.

    1 | 2 | 3

    Last August, when I saw the whole set of six Cescas at a thrift store for $65, I nearly exploded. Look, they aren’t Knoll, and the caning on the seats has been replaced for cloth, but it was still a major bargain. Major. And brass. Dull late 70’s brass. I love dull late 70’s brass like Jonie loves Chachi.

    When the sales clerk came to over to tag the table for delivery, she said, “Wow what a cool table!”

    To which replied, “You can keep the table and sell it to someone else, I just want the chairs.”

    “Wait, you want the chairs?”

    I get it.

    You can think they are ugly, I can think they are beautiful, but good design is good design. More important than all of that, they are also crazy comfortable. I am a major stickler for comfortable furniture. It’s a big deal to me. Too big, perhaps. Sometimes it gets me in trouble. People think I’m rude because I would rather stand or sit on the floor than sit on an uncomfortable sofa. That’s me and my judgmental butt, sitting on the floor, and we are cool with it. 

    One of the reasons I know these chairs are comfortable is, surprise-surprise, we had them when I was a kid…I was hoping to find a picture of my mother sitting in a Cesca, wearing an ultimate 80’s Laura Ashley high-neck ruffle blouse, in red plaid perhaps. No luck. Just a blurry shot of me as a toddler with marker on my face (but at least I’m holding down the plaid front!)


    My new-old chairs came with some brown wool seats that were in surprisingly good shape. Part of me wanted to recover them in leopard but I held back on account of the geometric rug. It might have been the first (and last) time I turned down an opportunity for leopard.

    Instead I used a chocolate and white cotton/linen table cloth I had in my closet for years. Another thrift store score. The font on the tag makes me think it must have been from the early 70’s. which I sort of love because I can imagine someone on the Brady Bunch wearing it as a pant suit. The pattern-on-pattern thing looks a little odd camera here, but it looks pretty awesome in real life. You’ll have to take my word on that one. 

    Slight problem. Fitting six chairs under the table at all times isn’t an easy squeeze. Pulled out, with people sitting, they fit around fine…but pushed under for everyday is a problem. For now I’ll just set four chairs at all times and keep the other two on the sun porch. It’s not like I hardly ever have call to use six chairs anyway. The green table (which was free + a coat of paint and varnish) will be on my list of things to replace someday. Something bigger, longer, with wide set legs. Maybe a wood table with flamingo pink legs? Less Kermit – More Piggy.

    Yeah.   

    Guess Who

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    Guess who decided it would be a good idea to paint the backsides of all her doors hot pink?

    It’s not a very good picture. I’ll have better when I finish up in the bathroom. Right now I’m too enthralled with royal baby watching.

    Hashtag: Obsessed.

    Even if he is a boy, I am confident Prince George would approve of hot pink.

    Custom Lampshade

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    I know what you are thinking; What this room needs is another pattern.

    I think you are right.

    In my epic quest to become comfortable with reupholstering furniture, this time I turned my attention to a lampshade. It’s not exactly furniture, but it made for good practice and funkified a thift store lamp. Win-win.

    The last time I tried recovering a lamp it was with one of those double-sided adhesive kit things and came out awful. Every bump and lump showed up. Blech. This was totally different. It came out great.

    Here is the tutorial not-really-a-tutorial: Spray an old shade with glue, cover it with fabric, trim off edges, go over rims with a bead of white glue followed with double sided bias tape. Bam!


    Three helpful tips:

    1. This removable spray adhesive is amazing. Sticky-yet-forgiving. It let me smooth out the fabric just the way I wanted it. It’s non-permanent, which is why I followed up on the rims with regular glue.

    2. Make sure your fabric is ironed FLAT before starting. You might think it’s not wrinkled, but yeah, it is.

    3. Big abstract style patterns cover wrinkles and bumps more than flat color or stripes. 

    I have no idea why I decided this room needed a lime green lampshade, but here it is. I like it.

    Next up, pillow talk. Get excited, people!